Monday, August 22, 2011

mystery of life. {big news!}

how much do we really control of our own lives? i've been thinking a lot about this topic for a few weeks. we work, we plan, pray, and organize what we think we would like our lives to look like... at least the components of which that we think we dictate.

at an early age, our parents ask us what we want to be when we grow up. we look up at them with stars in our eyes and big dreams in our hearts, "a chinese food maker!" true story.

and then, after we work our way through freshman year of high school with a, "whew, i made it and it wasn't that bad," we go onto our sophomore and junior years learning about ourselves, our friends, our parents, and members of the opposite sex or sharks as my dad would call the boys.

in our senior year of school, inevitably there is someone on the Yearbook Committee that wants to include "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" within the pages of the school yearbook. quickly we tally up what our age will be in ten (holy shit, 28!) and we guess what we will be doing. i vividly remember thinking that my life would be half over at that point, i mean seriously, it's almost 30!

"In ten years, i will be a retired actress and working as a child psychologist. I will be married with 4 kids, a dog, and house with a white picket fence around it. I will be very successful."

You would think that i would have been more creative with my dream, but this is what i wanted at the time and at 28 i had my first baby, peyton. no, i am not an actress even though i attempted to be and i never did become an "official" child psychologist but i worked as a first grade teacher which is basically close enough... so i was pretty close, but completely right and i am learning that i do not control my future. i offer tidbits, suggestions but life just happens regardless of schedules or plans. this is both scary and exciting!

i love looking back at old journals and reading about my dreams and wishes and goals. sometimes it is hard to see the growth within yourself, but if you start reading a journal you began at age 15... you'll get hit with your own growth and...THANK GOODNESS for that!

if you haven't started a journal and have always wanted to... do it! it's amazing what you will learn about yourself and it's super amusing and a good way to learn how to laugh at yourself! it's priceless material.

*go and get any old journal and write in it for one minute each night (or more if you are so inclined), but one minute is not overwhelming and it's a easy way to document one great thing from your day! in my preteen and teen years, my journal was more of a rant at the people i was mad at and less of a gratitude, but it's tone shifted... growth, baby!*

i'm ranting, i'm ranting. i haven't blogged in so long, i have too many things to say and since this is supposed to be a small post, i will end my rant and talk about something special!

i've been a blog loser this summer. i have had a quiet blog and i HATE that, but what ya'll (my writing voice just turned a little bit country;) don't know is that i've had a really interesting (if you will) reason.

for starters, back in june...i thought i had a some horrible tumor that was going to cause my untimely departure from earth. i was sick constantly and all i could do was lay around and make excuses to my kids for not taking them anywhere.

to make this story shorter, i informed my mom that i was worried at which point...she did what moms are not supposed to do and scared me even more (love you mom, but ya did!)

"heidi, you haven't been feeling well, you need to make an appointment with your doctor tomorrow. promise me you will."

if you knew my mom, you'd know that she's pretty laid back and not much freaks her out, so basically i heard, you're going to die. and i heard this because, i'm crazy!

this went on for a couple of weeks and then i learned that life threw us a sweet little surprise (like never been more surprised or shocked in my life)...

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we are having a baby!!!!

i guess drinking pickle juice by the jar and stuffing costco size olives with blue cheese and proscuitto and making it my breakfast, lunch, and dinner wasn't clue enough that i was growing a baby so one night around 11 at night, i peed on a stick and the positive sign nearly blinded me and bumped be off the toilet with it's news.

"OH MY GOODNESS, Oh my goodness. no way. i'm pregnant. oh my goodness!"

i ran to the kids rooms and hugged them and kissed them asleep. i needed these moments with just them, because soon enough, my two would be three and soon i would be a new mommy again. learning how to do it after so many years on 'easy street!'

if i saw a unicorn flying through the sky right now, i wouldn't be as surprised as learning i was/am pregnant. however, after a quick call to mom (who said she knew it all along;), my best friend, and sisters...it started to sink in!

...it's been a whirlwind of nervous and happy tears, morning sickness and
magic.

the magic that happens when you see your baby for the first time on the monitor and the technician says...


"see right there, if you look really closely, you will see your baby's heart beating!"

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i see it! it's beautiful.

we are excited to meet our little one and i know when they place my baby in my arms for the first time, i will be looking at our sweet surprise knowing that life truly is a mystery and thank goodness for these gifts.

for now, i will freak out scrambling to pull together baby gear and get my house ready for Sweet Surprise. and for the most lovely part of this journey...doing this with peyton and beckham by my side. watching their faces as they stare at the monitor that shows our little alien in my belly. i will answer their questions, "mommy, will the baby have arms or legs?"

i love this part of our adventure!

a baby in the house again...!

for now, i keep looking at my two little ones trying to soak in as much of them as i can before Tagalong shows up. i can't believe our two will be three soon.

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our girl is growing up and she is spunky and lovely all rolled into one sweet nugget.

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we went to the beach for sunset a few nights ago and she made friends with a little boy on the beach and before i knew it, she was skim boarding in her clothes and she rocked it out! we are so proud of her!

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i love how these two can argue and fight and drive me crazy one minute, but the next, converse and laugh like nothing happened. i love the way they look out for one another and love each other.

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***
today was peyton's first day of first grade and beckham's first day of pre-k4! last year, it was so hard to let peyton go, but today it was different. she is an experienced student now after an exciting year in kindergarten! she looked confident and almost excited. very different from the sweet but nervous girl that clutched to me last year.

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she waved goodbye and that was that.

beckham on the other hand, well, let's just say that i cried a few hundred tears as my friend, lindsay basically held my hand and said it would all be okay. beckham would love his new class.

"just wait, when you pick him up he is going to be so excited!"

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beckham's nervous face.

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beckham's brave face.

he did amazing. and he did love school. but he told me he missed me and asked if i could pick him up early tomorrow!

i love this kid. so. much.

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***
a free tour through the naples fire station! it was...awesome and the kids loved it!
i thought i may fall over from a heat stroke (thank you kelle for taking my kids when i was too sick to have them, xoxox), but the kids got to ride in the truck which made everything perfect in their world!

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Mystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise.
~julia cameron

xoxoxo
i'm off to journal for one minute!

another post this week, as well as a giveaway that i keep talking about!
*** not sure why my paragraphs are smooshing together, but if anyone knows why i would love to fix it!!

77 comments:

Cassie Webster said...

Oh WOW! Congratulations :) I love your blog. Very happy & exciting news x

GraceesMommy said...

I am so stinking happy for you my friend!! There are no words to describe how happy I am for you!!xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

ProudMommyTara said...

Heidi,
Congratulations to you and your growing family!! What exciting news!! Cannot wait to read all about your pregnancy!

Tara

Brown Eyed Mama said...

I found my way here from a comment you left in my blog a few months back--that I somehow missed because I am so very unobservant--and ugh, your family? Adorable beyond words. Totally added you to my reading list, hope you don't mind. :)

Congratulations on the pregnancy! As a mama who was also VERY surprised to find there was a third tucked away waiting for us, I can tell you it is an amazing, awesome journey to the land of family-of-five and I hope you enjoy the ride as much as I did--once you're feeling less sick. ;)

Patti said...

Congratulations! :)

alohakeiki said...

Heidi,

I have stalked your blog for a while now and must come clean. I made my way over here via Kelle Hampton's blog and have fallen in love with your pictures and words. I am so excited for you on this new journey! Love me some babies! Congrats!

Greta said...

Congrats, Heidi!!
I always wonder if I will have a 3rd myself....who knows!
xoxo

Jannice said...

wow! wow! wow! Congratulaions! what a nice surprise for your family! I have quite a few friends here who have also been surprised with a third! Best wishes! I hope you're feeling better soon!

Jill said...

Heidi!!! Shut the front door! Congratulations! What an exciting time for your family and so happy your the reason for you feeling sick was a great one!

Jill B (Overland Park, KS)

Nadine said...

Wow, congratulations, super exciting news!!!
Funny thing about the journals...I just recently found my own from when I was 14 years old and didn't know if I should laugh about that 14-year old girl or cry with her! I did a bit of both!:)
Anyway, so happy for you!!!

Anonymous said...

I find it funny sometimes reading the blogs of people I adore, but have never met. You brought me tears thinking something was wrong -but in the back of my mind I kept thinking she's pregnant! So glad I was right! Congrats to you and your family.

Roksalanna said...

Congratulations Heidi to you and all your family! Wonderful news! I love your blog!
xo

Just Trying Not to Blink .... said...

Delurking here to offer Congratulations! We also had a surprise baby that was our third and what a gift that was! You get to experience it all again - you'll even look back on these nauseous days as a special time in your life.

Bella_K said...

Congratulations love!! I am sooo happy for you!! :)

Moroodliin said...

Congrats on awesome news. Lately from your pictures, i was guessing you might be pregnant or planning to have child. U have beautiful family and deserve beautiful blessings. :)

Sian said...

*squeal!* Heidi how lovely! I found your blog this summer I didn't mind lack of posts because when I got them they were so great plus I got to look at older posts. I adore your photos. I cant wait to read while 'tagalong' makes his/her way to the world x

J Scheppl said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! So excited for you and your family!

Anonymous said...

I am so very happy for you and your families! So glad to see a new blog entry....just told Linda the other day that you've been home over a week and you better get busy! LOL Love to hear what's happening in Florida and see photos of the kids - they are so beautiful and getting so big! Love you guys - Donna

Summit of Glory said...

Great and lovely news. Man-o-man you really can never say never! Take care of yourself and the little one. What a summer you have had! xo

Rhonda said...

What wonderful news. So happy for you. when you make babes as beautiful and as perfect as you do...You should have a dozen. Cant wait to hear all about your pregnancy.. Be well!!

XO

andrea said...

Congratulations!!! I love reading your blog and I look forward to reading all about your family of 5!! Please don't stop blogging! ;)

Just the Two of US said...

Congrats girl! I'm sooo happy for you all! What a blessing!! Great pics!

Tara said...

Congratulations! What a beautiful blessing!

Amy said...

WOW!! How wonderful for you and your family Heidi. I love that you get another 4 years of a baby at home.....
Looking forward to reading abou t your new journey

Lisa Hewlett said...

CONGRATS!!! A bonus baby :-) So happy (and a teensy bit jealous!) So cool :-)

Astra Kruger said...

How awesome is that, Heidi?! Congratulations!!!! Sooooooo happy and excited for you!!!!!

Ani said...

This is fantastic! Woo hoo!

Shannon said...

Oh congratulations!! Absolutely love your blog!! You have a beautiful family!

Angie said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is SO exciting!! I have three kiddos and I keep thinking at some point I will be okay not being the one pregnant or holding a new baby in my arms but it just ain't happein'. I'm SO happy for you and I can't wait to read all about your journey with baby number 3!

I just dropped my oldest off at school for first grade...first time he's been away ALL day. I'm not lovin' it but I know he's ready and I know he's gonna love it. I love knowing there are other mamas out there feeling that same tug on their hearts!

God bless you are that precious one growing in your belly! I love reading your words. I love the way your heart shines through!

XOXO,
Angie from Ohio

Kristine said...

When I read your title and then the first paragraph, I admit, I cheated...I scrolled down so fast the mouse almost flew out of my grip! Then I teared up. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is amazing and so wonderful. You are such a great Mom and this baby is already blessed! I'm so incredibly happy for you. And very excited to follow along on this precious journey.
Congrats to Peyton and Beckham on their new school adventures as well. It's so bittersweet for us as Mommy's. I'm letting go of mine at the beginning of next month and my stomach turns every time I think about it. But we'll both be ok.
I hope the morning sickies are through for you very soon.
xo
Kris

Theresa said...

HEIDI!!! Oh.my.god!!!! I'm so excited for you!!! (Have I used enough exclamation points?!)

This is just GRAND! Have you told the kids yet? I'm so excited for all of you! Peyton's already a professional big sis, and Beckham has such a nurturing side to him, I'm sure he'll do fantastic with a new baby. And you? Well, you're just super mom, 'nuff said.

I'm over here celebrating your sweet little (big!) surprise! Due date?

Lastly, I'm really diggin' Petyon's first-day-of-school outfit. Sister's got style!

happymommy said...

Congratulations Heidi and family!!!! I am so excited for you! Your kids are SO Beautiful and I just Love all your pictures!!! Your blog is so refreshing and I can't wait for more frequent posts. Hope you are feeling good!! You and Kelle are just the best and your blogs always brighten my day! Love you girls (even though I don't really know you)!!!!

FEAS613 said...

Congratulations!! =)
~Beth

Stacy Monaghan said...

Congratulations Heidi! Like everyone else I can't wait to hear how everything goes! Beautiful pictures and a beautiful way to announce!

Maria said...

OMG!!OMG!!OMG!! That is spectacular news!!!! I've been loving your blog for quite some time & miss it alot when it's quiet here. This post was so worth the wait. I'm so happy for you! I hope you blog about every second of this pregnancy. How exciting...see, God knew that you'd be freaking with Beckham in school now too...so he gave you another baby to love & care for!!!!!!
Much love & best wishes to you,
Maria

Gatorale said...

Such sweet news! :-)

Loosy said...

You already know how happy this makes my heart. Once again a huge congrats from the opposite corner of the country.

xoxo

Rebecca said...

Oh Hunny! I couldn't be more excited for you! What a treasure for your family!!! :)

And how lovely is it that both your munchkins will be in school so you can catch up on "feet-up" time while the newest littleie grows! xoxo

The Manrings said...

your big news makes me soooooo excited....this is the beginning of such a beautiful new chapter in your journal/life heidi!!!! the way you always scoop up my babies always made me think you should have more. hehehe. p and b are going to be the best big brother and sister. so much love! love the bubble gum picture, floating in the raft picture and the first day of school with daddy picture. and like you said after dropping beckham off...technically you are picking him up early if you compare it to when you pick up peyton. hehehe. congrats again friend!!! xo

Katie @ Mama the Reader said...

I read often and rarely comment, but this deserves some unlurking. :) Congrats and I am so happy for you! Can't wait to share a little in this journey of yours.

Anonymous said...

Dear Heidi:

Thank you, thank you, thank you - I really needed to see all of you, with all the exciting new events in your lives - and this is a beautiful blog.

Love Sito

Mallory said...

congratulations. so very exciting and thank goodness your not sick.

Sarah said...

Holy Cow!!! that is awesome...of course you couldn't blog when you are in your first trimester with two kids to take care of. I'm so happy for you!!! CONGRATULATIONS...

And, when you have a sec could you shoot me the name of that song you used last year for your blogs about Peighton going to Kindergarten about "school bag in hand" I've remembered for a year and want to use it. Anna Cate gets on the bus tomorrow for the first time and I'll meet her at school, just to see it the first day:) XOXO

Sarah said...

Oh, and I have to share that I totally have thought...I bet you'll have more babies as much as you talk about how much you love the details like the milk smell in the rolls of their baby neck:) Were you really surprised? My best friend is pregnant with 3 kids and she just felt like someone was missing. They are not finding out the sex of the baby because like you...they have a boy and girl and want it to be a surpirse:)

katie said...

congratulations!! love the bubble pics!!

The Michelle Show said...

SUPER congrats to you - I am pregnant too! Mine with my first though, so you're definitely the more experienced (and calm) Mommy here haha.

Your babies are beautiful beyond words and I know the one little one will be too!

Shaams said...

Congratulations!!!! I am so excited for you and your family! And....Totally Missed you this summer!! so glad you are back!

GraceesMommy said...

I came back for a second read during some quiet time...I can't tell you how excited I am for you.

Your Peyton is getting her big girl look and she is stunning..love the picture of her with the flower. Beckham..well I don't even need to tell you how enchanting he is. You. make. beautiful babies..you are one blessed woman. ♥

aimee jones said...

Yay for you and your family! Your kids are adorable and #3 will be too!!

Becky@IfTheseWallsSpoke said...

congrats to you all! Can't wait to read/see all about it :)

Teresa said...

I know this is kind of weird because I don't "really know" you but I am so happy for you. Congratulations. I am just starting to think about a 3rd baby. Not sure if I can get the hubby on board.
So exciting for you.
Wishing you good health.

Sebina van der Lei said...

Congrats! I like your blog:-))

Heidi said...

ladies!!! THANK You so much for all the well wishes and congrats...i am pretty sure that i sat and cried as i read each one. yes, i get pretty weepy when pregnant!

seriously though, thank you so much! i can not wait to share details of this pregnancy and baby with you.

brown eyed mama- love hearing about surprise babies! we were scared at first, but we are getting used to the idea of a third now and can't wait to meet him or her!

nadine-journals from your teens are the BEST!

anon- more tears! thank you.

omg, i have to pee, so i can't write anymore, but i'm off to catch up on some blog reading!

xoxoxoxo

Suprsalie said...

That is fantastic news! I hope you start feeling better soon. I really enjoy reading your blog! Ok must ask- where did you get your awesome "P" necklace?! Thanks and have a great week.

Liz said...

Congratulations, Heidi! Family of fives are lots of fun! :) Very excited for you and your family!

P.S. The pictures of your kids' first day of school--adorable!

Lizzy Vega said...

I know you don't me, but I am genuinely excited for you! I can't wait to see this journey of your pregnancy and your little ones becoming big sister and big brother. Super Congratulations and lots of love from all -- even from stranger cyber friends from a galaxy far far away! xoxo

Hillary said...

Congratulations!!!! What a blessing this little buddle will be to you and your family. Sometimes the best things in life are worth the wait, and although a surprise, maybe this is what your family was waiting for (known or not). I send lots of healthy vibes your way, with prayers of love, strength, and happiness. This baby is so lucky to be welcomed into a family that seems to be full of love!!

dig this chick said...

YAY. A third! How exciting. I SO KNOW the shock of an unexpected pregnancy. Bananas. And awesome.

xo, dig

Jessica said...

What a sweet surprise, congratulations!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! Surprises are the best. Our third was a suprise also. It was no secret that I didn't want anymore kids and I am so glad that I didn't get my way because I couldn't be happier. Our littlest guy rounds out our family in a way I didn't know was possible.

Heidi said...

Suprsalie, i will find a link for you:) i found them in a boutique in a hotel in traverse city. They were like super inexpensive and i bought Peyton a matching one and she loves it!

Eva Marie said...

Congrats Heidi!! What exciting news :)

You are such a wonderful, inspiring mother for all of us, your two older munchkins are going to be the best help you will ever have.

My sister and I are 6.5 years apart and are inseparable now.

What a blessing! I am so happy for you and your family :)

lauraprell said...

So exciting! I just found you blog from miss kelle's who I love!

April said...

Crazy happy for you!! When is your sweet surprise expected?

xoxo,
A

PS - Saw in one of your comments that you were in Traverse City ... who knows, we might have been there at the same time ... crazy, crazy!!

sarah said...

What a beautiful family you have! Soon to add to it's beauty! Congratulations!

sarah said...

What a beautiful family you have! Soon to add to it's beauty! Congratulations!

Rhea said...

Congratulations! Yay yay yay for a beautiful baby in the house :) There is a large (much larger than yours) gap in ages in my family, with 12 years between me and my baby sister. It just makes it all the more sweet to have them around. I remember vivid details about her as a baby that I'm sure I wouldn't remember if I were younger.

"Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful." - Charles Osgood

Mrs Mason said...

cool news! good on you! Take extra care of you now please xx

Anna Ruth said...

I'm so happy for you! A family of five is so special. The kids look so happy on their first day of school! Beckham is going to love Mrs. Hewins and little Ethan.

Monique said...

Just catching up on some of my favourite blogs and loving this post!! Beautiful pictures of your gorgeous kiddos!! And WOW!! Congrats on your exciting news!! Baby number three!! You are an amazing Mama to Peyton and Beckham and this little precious surprise will also be so blessed with your love!! I absolutely love how you told your blog readers with Peyton's bubbles-so super cute!! Best wishes to you and your family on this exciting journey of becoming 5!!

Cheers!
Monique (from Canada)

Daniele said...

YAY congrats!!!!!!! So happy for you...so exciting =)

Nicole said...

Oh my god Heidi!!! Congratulations,and hugs, and love!!! I don't know how I missed this...well yes I do--I've been caught up doing not much else but lovin' on my very own first Peyton :0) I am so very happy for you, and can't wait to follow the journey with you on blog land. I finally wrote my Peyton's birth story over at my place when ya get a minute. I figure I have to tell people since I post like, every other Neverday, as you've teased me for already. So so happy for you and your #3! What a lucky little bean! xoxo-nicole

Denise said...

I found you through Kelle Hampton's blog and check in occasionally for your great recipes! Congrats on the new addition! Sounds like this may have not been planned, and I know that in my perfect world I wanted my kids all in a row, close together.....that didn't happen for me. I have a blended family of 2 12 year olds, a 10 year old, a 4 year old and a 20 month old. To see my older kids with the "babies", as we call them, is an experience that I could never have imagined. You will not believe how much help your other two will be, and how much care they will give the baby. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have, I am sure you will. Enjoy the next 9 months of dreaming and expecting!!! So exciting.

Oh and your kids are absolutely adorable, and your daughter is beyond gorgeous. Those eyes can probably get her whatever she wants!

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Emily said...

Congratulations! I was shocked to see YOU on the couch in Kelle's post about chillin' today with her expectant friend...but in a really great way! Your children are gorgeous and you seem to be such an amazing mother - this "three kids thing" was made for you! I was just talking with a friend about how, if three were in my future (which, sadly they are not), I can totally see the value of the older two being in school when #3 arrives. How wonderful that you will have time for just "you and baby" AND still have special time with the older kids after school while babe naps away. ENJOY the rest of your pregnancy, and every "first" to come your way!

Tisha said...

congratulations!!!!! SO Excited for you!!!!!!

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