Wednesday, October 26, 2011

a little slice of fall and letting go.

what is it about a michigan fall that makes me think that anything is possible. when walking through the leaves, i can hear them crunching against the chilled the cement. that crunching makes me happy.

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looking down and glimpsing the fall foliage, different colored leaves and their colors popping against the landscape. it reminds me how beautiful mother nature can be! these colors make me happy and the kids too. merely judging by the 'leaf angels' being made and the twirling going on by my daughter, i'm pretty sure the kids are enjoying the change in weather and environment as much as i am!

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*baby bump toes. i can hardly see them without falling over and i still have 18 weeks to go!

the kids couldn't wait to get outside and make a pile of leaves and jump into them. unfortunately, it had rained for a few days before we got there, so we couldn't do that right away, but we did explore the grounds. well, the kids did most of that, i mostly breathed in every breath of cold, clean air that i could fill my lungs with at a time. it was so cleansing.

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last year, we celebrated florida style, but this year we were lucky enough to be in michigan again this past week. my sister celebrated her marriage to the guy she loves, in the most beautiful of all times of year, fall. ahhhh, we love us some fall over here! more of my sister's celebration later!
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the kids enjoyed cup after cup of hot cocoa (or coffee as they call it)

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they collected leaves looking for the perfect one! sito monitored and told the kids how special each leave was.

letting go is hard to do. there are so many things that, as a parent, involve letting go. if you are a reader of this blog, you probably know i have a problem with it. especially when it has to do with the little ones in my life. these precious beings that i just love so much.
well, this time it's not about the kids, it's about the fact that i don't have my camera this week or last week for that matter and the one i used in the meantime, well, it wasn't mine. so i am letting go of the 'perfect' pictures. i put perfect in quotes because i am not saying by any stretch of the imagination that my photos are perfect. not even close, and i'm glad for that. not prefect means i will keep trying to become better at my craft!

however, i was ashamed at myself fro considering not posting the photos i took from the last couple of weeks because i thought they were not my best. well, i told myself to shut it and enjoy each moment this camera captured for me and my family. who cares how sharp or well composed a shot is? yes, those things serve there purpose during paid photo sessions when somebody is trusting you with their memories, but for home life...who cares. what matters is the memory!

it's not to say i don't enjoy doing and presenting the best i can, it's my passion, but the photo certainly does not take away one bit of joy from the moment. it adds, no matter how grainy or blurry. sometimes, i have to scold myself, but it usually works...a little. {wink}

one day, i'll look back at this post and wished i had posted more, however; the reason for a smaller post is i have lots of catching up to do and the kids want to make a pumpkin pie!

that is what we are going to do, but i will be posting again in a few days. i'm trying to enjoy more and stress out less about work and obligations. wish me luck on that! i want to spend more time with these little ones that i have all to myself for the next few months.
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warm or cool weather...enjoy the season
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and of course, if you want to up the ante, turn the thermostat down waaaay low, make a saucepan of hot cocoa, cover up with a blanket and watch an old movie on the Classic Movie Channel. works like a charm.

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XOXOXO

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

{seven}


our weekend was full of all of the fun stuff a weekend should entail...in my opinion! a weekend is a two day vacation that comes each and every week and even though, in the photography business, my weekends are often scheduled with a shoot or two...it's still a vacation. two days that mean my babies can sleep in and lounge around in their pj's.

hubby will get up before me and i'll pretend not to hear him stir out of bed and softly close the door behind him. i'll hear him gently inform the kids, "mamas still sleeping, shhhh! let mama sleep."

most of the time i'll wait for the plea of my littlest one, becks, "but i want MAAAAAAAMA!"

i'll try to ignore it and roll over on my freshly fluffed pillow, smile plastered to my face as i remind myself how lucky i am to get to stay in bed for these few extra moments. i think the 'not expected' aspect of the extra snoozes make these moments golden. special.

soon after the door closes, i'll hear pots and pans being shuffled and water running. orders being shouted...

"i want mine with only salt, no pepper, daddy!"

"i'll have pancakes, daddy!"

soon, a trickle of guilt will start to display itself to my wanna-be-slumbering brain and i'll get up. i'll get up to a generous showering of goodmorning hugs and kisses. it never gets old and i remember how blessed i am in that moment and i hope that that realization will last throughout the entire day.

peyton has started to divvy her kisses out like a toddler would 'happily' hand out his m&m candy. it's getting annoying.

this weekend however, was different because we celebrated peyton's 7th birthday (a week early) but special and fun just like that girl of ours!

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kell, these photos are beautiful! thanks for running around and taking so many! xo

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unlike other weekends, i did what any mother does the night before a party, i cleaned, baked, and made miracles happen in record time. i didn't sleep much, but i kept thinking about what would make her smile and that kept me going long after my pregnant body practically begged for a pillow and bed!

but...it was worth the excited voice i heard bright and early the next morning...
"goooooodMORNing everybody!" she sang it and i think my heart skipped a beat. it's no different on christmas morning. it's the not the material gifts, it's the other gifts. the promise of a day that's different from any other day. a day you know will be special no matter what because of the extra people around us. people who love us.

a birthday is concentrated on one person, but we all benefit from it's excitement.

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we set the tables with painters cloth that i had from last years party (bought at home depot) and my babysitter and i decided to paint on them in order to save money on buying new themed decor... i love how they turned out and better yet...i can throw them in the wash and they will be a blank canvas all over again!

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sarah, thank you for your help sweet girl! you are such an artist.
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and all the happiness really begins for the birthday girl when the balloons make their debut!

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the little details were not many this year, but they were colorful and made me happy!
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we rented a waterslide this year because even though the calendar says it's the middle of october, it feels like the middle of june during the day but saturday was perfect. it was the perfect blend of breeze and sun...
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and the friends showed up to help celebrate!

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they splashed, waded, and slid.

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we watched closely, laughed, and ate! to keep costs down, i came up with a super simple menu of noshes. for the adults i made ina's pumpkin cupcakes because apparently i can't get enough, and neither can peyton and for the kids, i made strawberry cupcakes with pink cream cheese frosting.

the kids ate pizza that i ordered out and the parents ate a fall inspired salad that i pieced together from several different recipes i was looking at for inspiration! the recipe is here and it is SOOOO good! we've been eating it for days now!

fall salad

i used a bunch of romaine and one head of iceberg lettuce. not two of my faves, but it's what i had on hand because i forgot, yup, forgot to purchase items for this salad before the birthday. i call it a pregnancy related accident.

i washed, dried and chopped the salad! i then added to the top, a cup of dried cherries ( cranberries would be perfect),
a cup of toasted and chopped walnuts (throw them in a pan and toast. watch that they do not burn bc they are pricey. i would hate to lose any and i speak from experience;)
and three diced up pears...the pears are the best part!

i served this salad with a side of blue cheese crumbles and dressing on the side! soooo good.

for the dressing:

6 tablespoons of apple-cider vinegar
6 tablespoons of orange juice
2 tablespoons of dijon mustard
3-4 tablespoons grade b pure maple syrup
salt and pepper
2/3 cup olive oil

whisk all ingredients together. dressing.
i had a little trouble with the dressing, so i just started adding an extra bit of this and that. i'm going by memory, so just be sure to try this as you go. i think salad dressing is one of the easiest things to 'fix!'

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scurrying around was fun, but loving on the birthday girl, when she would stop long enough to let me, took the cake!
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when it was time for everyone to leave, peyton wasn't ready, but she opened her goodies and the excitement began again, but my favorite moment was this because they are not always this nice to one another,

it went something like this:
"peyton, peyton open this one. it's from me. you are gonna be so so surprised. so surprised. i got it for you. i bought it at target! you are going to love it. it's from me. i picked it for you!"

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period. the pride on his face and the happiness on hers!

"how did you know i wanted that, beckham?"

"i just did!"

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happy birthday to our sweet girl! you have such a beautiful sensitivity about you. you are caring and loving, smart and analytical. we love everything about you and enjoy learning about the person you are and the woman you will one day be.

we feel so lucky to be your mommy and daddy and know that the coming years will be more special because that 'peyton' flair you bring! we love you. we like you. we are always here for you.

xoxoxo

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***

and my other baby is kicking me and since i want to put my feet up and relish every flutter, i am off...
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to enjoy this little 20 week bundle of love. no, we don't know what we are having because we want to be surprised!
what we do know is that it's healthy and that's all that i needed to hear!

happy fall evenings.
xoxoxo

Thursday, October 6, 2011

looking for signs and moving out.

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i made a very short trip to michigan over the weekend. sometimes i pretend i am this jet setter, living a fabulous but far to chaotic life of arriving and departing different big cities. noshing on exotic but too expensive food and checking in to posh boutique hotels on a whim and without regard to price or time of stay.

obviously, i live the opposite of a jet setting life and even though i sometimes wonder what it would be like to live a different life than the one i do, but know i why i don't and why the trips i take are well thought out, planned, and saved for...

because this is my life, the part of my life that is precious and too far way...in michigan.

my 'other' home.

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where grandma lives. where she LIVES!

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gorgeous tawny and baby spencer getting freaked out by gram and her banana split lolli.
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where sisters look after each other's babies as if they were their own,

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the place where you my find my dad 'hiding' from all of the women in his life. after five daughters and a wife, he deals with us pretty well. not perfect, but he's getting there.

home is where all of my siblings live. we are a crazy bunch. i admit it. but there is so much love there. so much.
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i wish i had just getting this one photo of all of us on video camera. it took about 10 frames, the camera changed hands a few times, everyone had an opinion as to where the photo should be taken, i needed to pee, heather was cold, and when her baby ran down the street with a bunch of balloons, elaina started laughing. when our brother finally returned from his disappearing act, the other look-a-likes took turns scolding him. poor guy. but we have a photo and the pains it took to get it will be worth it in 10 years!

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i flew in for a special occasion...my sister taryn's bridal shower!
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congratulations to bobby and my beautiful sister, taryn! even though you two sneaky ones ran off and eloped, we are still happy for you;) no, seriously, we love you both very much! and bobby, when i saw you fixing my dad's screen door that night at the shower...i knew taryn had made the right choice:)!

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the next day, i hightailed it to see grandpa. he promptly demanded we go somewhere he could blow his diabetes/sugar numbers all to hell and i obliged.

happily obliged in my own glass pedestal of guilt with an extra bit of cinnamon on my rice pudding for good measure.

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i must admit though, the best part of sharing a rice pudding with gramps, isn't the pudding. it's the stories he tells about the rice pudding as he eats it. they are the same stories he tells each time we eat it, but i listen like it's the first time everytime.

"you know, i used to take all the kids to get the best damned rice pudding i've ever had in my life every single week. yes, it was a place in dearborn. what's the name of it now? dammit, i can't remember the name of it now. well, i think it closed anyway. you know who used to make great rice pudding and fudge?"

who, gramps?

"your grandma. yeah. she did. she used to make it for me all the time. i never shared it. hell no."
and so my jet setting life will have to begin in another lifetime, because no offense to fabulous food and ultra modern swanky european hotels everywhere... my small travels to only 5 states away always feels so right.

and although i was a little early to experience all that a michigan fall has to offer, i took advantage of the weather and used my nieces swing set to fly high and it was better than i remember. and since in my pregnancy state of mind, i forget everything...i left my camera in florida, so my broken iphone cam had to do.

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and with a her first grade year going strong, we are finally striding or stumbling through something resembling a schedule. and since i don't do well with schedules, it has been a learning experience for both of us. bless her heart though, she is really trying to be more independent and i'm trying to learn to let go a little more and encourage her everyday.

that sweet girl is so much like me that i have to remind myself that she we are not the same people. i went in to her class to help the kids make carmel apples and afterward i stayed to have lunch with her. i wasn't planning on it as i had a gazillion things i needed to do, but i distinctly remember thinking her eyes were almost desperate when she asked me to stay. so i did and i was so glad that i did.

i was greeted with this smile when she found me waiting in the lunchroom. it's a grainy photo, but she is wide smiling me while running into my arms as if she hadn't seen me just ten minutes prior.

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inside my head, i'm applying my proud mama cape. i'm not gonna lie about it. after all, i put that smile on her face with my mere presence. it was easy and i love that in this stage of her life, i have that kind of power because one day i may hardly get a kiss goodbye before she heads out to be with her way-cooler-than-mom friends.

she entertains me with her best version of a walrus using french fries!

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i love this little girl so much that i wish i could bottle this day up for her and sprinkle some of it's magic on her when she's having a rough day, not so much now, but in the future during her teen years when she may forget how much she loves us.

and as are saying goodbye to many days like this...

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we welcome and anxiously embrace days that beg for a hot bowl of homemade soup...

fall has arrived and it's lovely!

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this is a leek. in case you didn't know, like i didn't a few years ago and let's just say i didn't come home with a leek.

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Not my mom's Potato Soup
because her potato soup is the best evah...but i don't have that recipe

you are going to need:
half pack of bacon, about 6 slices cooked then chopped up
2 large leeks
3 cloves of garlic, chopped up
2 large potatoes, peeled and cut up
4 cups of lower sodium chicken broth
1 1/2 cup water
3/4 cup of heavy cream
half bag of frozen corn, about a cup
half bag frozen peas, about a cup
fresh or dried thyme
a bunch of fresh italian parsley
two tablespoons of flour
a lot of pepper in my soup and some kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika...this optional and start out with less rather than more. taste as you go!

Using the fat from the cooked bacon, about two tablespoons and one tablespoon butter, add the leeks and garlic to the dutch oven and cook until they are soft, maybe 5-7 minutes. add two tablespoons of flour and stir in with garlic and leeks. quickly add broth, water, potatoes, salt and pepper. cover and bring to boil. then reduce the heat and let simmer until pots are soft. i covered the pot or partially covered it.

add the heavy cream, bacon, more salt and pepper and cook for another 10 minutes.

if you want to thicken the soup, you can mash some of the potatoes and throw them back in the pot or blend some of it and return to pot. i was too lazy to do that but i've done it in the past!

eat it up! super easy and satisfying too!

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***
sometimes when i am thinking i'm doing something right with these kids...
evident of course by their sweet dispositions, perhaps a stellar evening in manners being demonstrated without multiple reminders, or just laughter and getting along for longer than one justin bieber tune. sometimes the stars align and i'm all high on myself. it doesn't happen often if i'm telling the truth, but when it does, my happy mama flag flies really high.

however, there is a flip side.

behold, the day peyton and becks moved out.

it was a sad day indeed and when peyton looked at me with anger pulsing throughout her face, i felt like someone had climbed up my flag pole and ripped my proud-mama-moment-flag down...in front of me...with an evil smile...and a shrill cold little laugh,

"i'm moving out and i'm going to find a different mama. that's it. i'm leaving!"

i was shocked.

"what? you are moving out? where? why?"

"I'm going to live in michigan. i like the weather better. ANNNNNDDDDD beckham is going with me!"

becks lowered his head when i looked at him, "beckham are moving to michigan with peyton today?"

i was SHOCKED when he softly answered, "yes i am going with peyton."

"how will you get to the airport. it's really far away and it will be dark in a couple of hours. i'm not sure it's safe to walk on the highway, in the dark alone."

without skipping a beat, peyton said, "i am taking my own car. my mustang and if it rains i'm going to take my umbrella."

my heart was broken even though i knew they weren't going anywhere. what the hell had i done to piss her off to make her opt to go to the airport alone and in the dark and in a lightening and thunder storm no less? i told my pathetic self to shut up after that thought.

i remember the first time i moved out of my house. i was 7 years old. i'm not sure why i was so upset and punishing my mother, but i packed a bag with coloring books in it. no jacket, no food or water.

i remember stalling, wanting my mom to beg me to stay, but she didn't. now i know what it was i saw on her face. instead of being shocked, she was amused.

she let us leave (i formed an alliance with my sister, heather as well. if i was leaving, i was no moron. i was taking someone with me.)

we walked three houses down to the corner and decide to move into the bush on the corner. we climbed inside, apparently my fear of spiders hadn't kicked in yet, and set up shop. i don't remember seeing mom for a while , but i'm sure she knew where we were. after all of i'm sure, 15 minutes...we moved back in with our parents. a word was never spoken about why we were back home. my 7 year old brain surely translated it to mean, "i'm so glad you are home!!!"

so with my 4 and 6 year olds packing everything they owned into brown bags, plastic bags, backpacks and placing them at the bottom of the stairs, i gave in to the mess i would have to monitor for clean up later and let them keep going.

peyton is much smarter than i was though, girlfriend packed two ziploc bags of food and she LABELED them. i was proud of my baby for that one!

finally, peyton packed her mustang up and helped beckham load up his motorcycle. it was time to go and after peyon macgyvered her brothers umbrella, they were to set off.

but first, they needed me to guide them out of the garage and i have to say, they were not wavering.

i told them they had to go now because it was getting late and it was starting to rain and i wanted to make dinner. i gave them each long kisses and hugs. i asked them both if they packed extra undies and a rain jacket and i walked into the house.

and as the rain started pouring down and the lightening started cracking...their plan started to unravel.

but let me ask you a question. does these kids look like they want to leave mama?

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uh, i don't think so.
i could eat those faces up they are so cute.

needless to say, they ran back to the house. i told them to start unpacking and that i was so happy that they decided to live with us again. i was given hugs and kisses for the rest of the night.

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and a few 'i love you' gifts later that night!

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so for now, we are falling it up
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cooking up a storm...and since we have all been sick at different times during the last two weeks, making chicken soup has become a full time job.

and with that, a new sandwich that was sooo good.
i was making chicken stock and i had some cooked chicken just sitting out, so i made me a snack it was delicious...

chicken and pesto sandwich

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take a small roll/ciabatta/french whatevah ya got!
put shredded chicken from a rotisseri chicken on one side of your bread, swipe the other side with lots of pesto, add some greens, arugula is a fave but anything you like. fresh parsley, sliced toms, red onion if your into it, salt and pepper. you could add mayo too, but i didn't.

yum. easy sandwich to go with your chicken soup!

however, you enjoy your days

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it's the normal stuff i am finding i like best. finding the happy there is easy and the most special. so if your having a rough day, and i think 'rough day' has been my middle name for the last 18 weeks, maybe try...

fort making. a mess of pillows and quilts. imagination and faces to love.
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or dress up...
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xoxoxo
signing off but not before i congratulate the giveaway winner: karly jaco!
karly, please send me your contact into to heididarwish@gmail.com

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