okay. i haven't posted in over a week. i'm going to just throw it right out there...things have moving like a runaway train these days. i am more behind this year than i have ever been before and if your a reader of this blog, you probably know that this can be a regular occurrence. with the holidays quickly approaching and clients wanting memories captured and me wanting to stay atop our family holiday traditions, it feels as if i've been run over by a herd of santa's reindeer and left for dead. i'm thinking i'll be fully recovered, along with every other parent, around february or march of next year!
with the disclaimer behind me, i love how wonderful it feels to be sitting at my desk in the living room. my macbook is blindingly illuminating the space and peyton, who has been running an average of a 103 fever all day has finally cooled off, after my calm and collected call to the pediatrician. the polar express is on and beckham is outside with jeff playing what they are calling football. i call it scary. i about tackled the neighbor boy he was playing with after he pushed my little guy to the ground, but jeff saw my reaction and quickly explained, "it's touch football." my reply, "i don't like football!"
i guess i'll have to learn to like a lot of things as these babies grow up. it's part of the deal!
i think i've been fighting a small case of the blues. i've heard of the holiday blues and i'm sure it's a very real thing, but it's not that. this season has kept me afloat of all that is has and will offer in the coming weeks. the magic of it all is very real to my babies and i love to see a little bit of the belief in their faces each day!
my grandma is getting sicker. i've been hearing that she may not make it past january. it's been a week since i received that call so i've been trying to adjust to that news. i knew it was coming. i was trying to prepare. i'm not sure if it's possible to do so. i was in a dark place for a few days. not outwardly depressed and crying. i go about my normal day. the kids and i have been doing christmas crafts and just...living. and i'm happy. but i'm angry. angry in a way i've never been before. i'm pretty sure it's a step in the grieving process, but it's been tough.
and i'm sure if one more person tells me to be positive about the time i have with her...i may snowball them to frozen-ess ...with that said, i'm trying to be. not being able to be there has been the toughest part of all of this so, jeff booked me a ticket to go and see her next week!
three whole days of cooking and laughing. playing cards (she'll win because she's just good at cards), watching movies and a sleepover spa night complete with mani's and pedi's. i'm so excited i can't stand it! so, with a little more bounce in my elf shoes than i've had, i'm ready to count my blessings in regards to my sweet gram and get to having fun and enjoy the time i will have with her next week.
until then, we will bask in all of the craziness that is christmas. we will start slowing down to do the things that i've putting on the back burner. on my to do list for this week:
1. make christmas cookies with the kids. a practice session before the real thing on christmas eve...santa's cookies!
2. frame this years christmas photo and hang it on the tree. dwish family tradition! if you do it, remember to include the year of the photo with puffy paint or sharpie pen.
3. write our letter to santa!
(oatmeal with brown sugar, pecans, and dried cranberries!)
we've been trying to infuse little bits of northern love into the house. we don't get the snow or crisp cool weather, but we try to make up for it with little deets here and there.
my favorite thing to use this year so far...
this twine. i'm going to do big things with it...i just need to figure out what. so far, it is what i am using to display our christmas mailers.
twine and cranberries. inexpensive and beautiful! for what seems plain during the day, at night turns into soft and simple things that make me so happy. i just light the candles. these candles i love and i just found them at walmart for about $2 a piece. hurricane vases were $7.
that and a page taken out of the Elf movie...paper chains, white lights, and snowflakes!
and for good measure, a christmas tree made out of veggies. add some dip voila, insta christmas cheer.
speaking of christmas cheer...someone's got it in spades...look what she did:
...she brought the north pole to us and our kids.
kelle rocked out a party like i've never seen before. it was like being at our own private disney world...on christmas steroids.
it. was. magic.
this face: belief. belief in santa and his elves and everything magic that goes with christmas and what a young girl should feel at this time in her life.
they made reindeer food...
and searched for an elves lost treasures...
yes, one of santa's elves were there. and the kids went nuts!
afterward we went into santa's workshop and had snow chilled milk and snickerdoodles.
and then it was a "The Night Before Christmas" reading before we hauled our sleepy ones home for their own 'long winter's nap.'
peyton fell right asleep , cradling Bunny. she loves that guinea pig...sadly, three days after this picture was taken, Bunny went to sleep and never woke up.
(i'm sorry you died. the guinea pig and peyton.)
the fallen expression on peyton's face when i had to tell her, i will never forget. there were lots of tears and prayers. begging and pleading for the guinea to wake up. it was plain sad.
i made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies to try and make things a bit better. i guess i reward my kids with food. it was very evident this day when i could think of nothing else but, "honey, want mommy to make you some cookies? then we can sit on the couch and watch Elf!"
she obliged, but first she wrote Bunny a note and then we buried him next to our house.
she cried off and on that night, and when jeff walked out late that night to get a drink, he found her like this
she walked down stairs and without saying a word, fell asleep...with her santa hat on. bless her sweet little heart.
the santa hat? oh, how i love that she put the santa hat before she fell asleep. i wonder what she was doing in her room before she decided to sneak down the stairs. was she playing an elf? just in a festive mood. i love her and her sweet and sensitive heart.
a chance encounter with a farm here in town... never thought i would say that, but who knew there was a real farm with animals and all about 10 minutes from the house. kelle found it and and called right away...dropped what we were doing to visit the the Winter Wonderland at the farm down the road! it was beautiful and such a treat. it was a school night!
lately in my grief and anger, i can forget to appreciate about how wonderful life really is. life does end and a good way to honor that truth is to enjoy the small, sometimes mundane and routine small and good things. it feels better that way.
things that make us extremely happy lately:
beckham's love for hockey and anything sport related. i'm not an athlete, but i love seeing him take after his daddy!
couple times a week i hear, "mommy, will you go outside and play hockey with me?" inside i grown a bit, but i go and every time we have so much fun. i hear the leader in him when he ecstatically jumps when i 'score' a goal or when he tells me softly that i have earned myself a penalty.
peyton learning and loving playing volleyball!
bonus: daddy is coach!
taking lots of video!
listening to christmas tunes, lighting candles, and watching peyton and beckham play near the tree, look for new ornaments that earlier had escaped their attention.
my favorite christmas find this year you can find here! k told me about this guy and i'm in love and i can't forget the familiar songs and tunes of these siblings!
and maybe my favorite thing to do these days,
dream about meeting this little one...
hi, baby! we love you so much.
at only 25 weeks here, we are smitten with Tagalong and all i want to do is to slow down and prepare for the arrival of baby boy or girl. i have big ideas for the nursery and i am finally starting to put to paper in preparation. for now, we go back and forth about what to name the baby. jeff's has some doozie ideas. more on that later, but between you and me i think he's lost his mind;)
we can't wait!
i know we hit the christmas gift jackpot with this baby and i don't ever want to forget how it feels to be me here, and now. sadness will come and it will go, but the happies in my life just don't stop.
happy holidays!
love to you.