Sunday, April 8, 2012

saying goodbye to an angel, my grandma.

i just wrote a tribute about my grandma...i knew it would bring up a lot of emotion and so it was hard to do. i spent hours writing it and i hit publish and...

nothing. all of my words lost. the screen stared it's white face at me. i wanted to punch it. hard.

i began to cry. the song playing now, in the garden, a fave of gram's is looping over and over and self-pity starts to take over my tired body and i feel my shoulders fall. defeat was settling in. then, something happened. i thought of her. what would i do if she were in the room with me right now?

so, i began again except now, instead of sobbing... i began to laugh. the good, cleansing kind. she would want me to.

if my gram were with me in this room right now, she would look at me and say something like, "oh, shit!" and then burst into hysterics. she would. and i would laugh right along with her and then start over again but not before eating a tomato sandwich on toasted bread with a dash of salt. she would insist on extra butter and a scoop of ice cream for dessert. she would feed her dog something from her plate and just laugh at something on tv. if the Love Connection were still being aired, it would be that she would be laughing at.
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the last few weeks, in between little stretches of sleep, i have been writing about the day i pushed new life into this world and celebrating our new baby girl, ivy. i was forced to switch gears and observe a different kind of life event. just as important as birth, but not as happy or fun an occasion.

two nights ago, my dear, dear beautiful grandmother died.

we knew it was coming, but i still wasn't prepared. she lived months longer than expected and i kept thinking that maybe they were wrong. maybe she would live longer. maybe she was an exception.

she's gone. i am so sad.

i am feeling desperate to talk to her just one more time...to tell her i love her. to hold her hand just one more time.

do you want me to bring you over some plums? where do you want to today? anywhere you want. the casino? mars? venus? you name it. i'll take you there.


it's not fair and yet it is because losing grandparents is a normal occurrence, but i'm missing her so much. i want her here with me or a phone call away. i don't want to fly into detroit knowing that i won't be seeing her the next day. i. want. her. back.

only a month ago, i sat on my hospital bed as i dialed her number, "it's a girl, grandma! it's a girl."

she cooed over the line in her most sweet and soft voice, "awwwww. it is. it's a girl! what's her name?" i could hear the smile in her voice and i was so grateful for the moment. "promise me that you will bring her here to see me. promise."

"I promise, grandma. I'll be there for sure."

we celebrated the little girl that surprised us with her life...surely, ivy will meet her great-grandmother. everything was perfect. i knew that when ivy was a month old, i would take a solo trip to see my gram. maybe ivy's youth and love could heal her in some way. irrational? maybe but i was holding onto that. why not hope? i love to hope.

the night before she died, jeff reserved me a ticket. one night. we were so close and my heart is broken. she wanted to meet ivy and she never will and the finality of that is...sad. so sad.


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my uncle called me two mornings ago, all i heard was sobbing. "she's gone, heidi. she's gone."

it took my breath away. i would never get to speak to her again. hear her say, "hi, heidi" when i called her. it was over. everything seemed quieter to me after that or maybe the grief grew louder. it's as if things were moving in slow motion. death is bizarre like that, i think.

he asked me to make calls for him.

so, i made myself snap out of the fog long enough to listen to direction. that morning, i slowly called my mom to tell her that her mother was gone. i could tell that my phone call had woken her, but i was crying and i knew that i had to tell her quickly.

after i said the words, i listened as my mom tried to process what i just said. i heartbreakingly listened to her ask me question after question. questions, i couldn't answer.

sadness swept over me as i heard her try to accept that i was speaking of her mother. i had to repeat myself four times before she grew completely silent. my mom shares my gram's heart. she is unassuming and sweet and her soft early morning voice sounded desperate.

i knew that she would then have to call her own siblings and share with them the news. i wanted to take her pain away.

in a weird way, that phone call was sacred. i'll never forget it and i'll always be proud of my mom for that day. torn between grieving for her mother and protecting her own me.

death is so weird but the value of it is in the perspective one gains from it, i guess.

life is precious and the death of a loved one reminds us of that.

it should remind us to ignore the small stuff and focus on the big, important things like love, happiness, and laughter.

it reminds me that life, each and everyday is a gift...a gift to be respected and cared for. it's worth it to make an effort to live each day doing something we love to be doing. something small or something big, but something.

we should tell the people we love...we love them.

why do so many wait? call someone you love and say it...I LOVE YOU.

we should call our parents, grandparents, friends and offer to be there for when they need us even if they already know that we are there. remind the people that we love and care about, i'm here for you. i care about you. i think about you.

colleen mae irvine.

an amazing and unassuming woman.

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she had four kids and a bunch of grand kids that loved her dearly.

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the woman who helped me develop, at an early age, a love for soup in a coffee cup and mustard and cheese sandwiches.

i grew out of those things, but ill never forget the effort she put into making sleepovers at her house special.

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her sometimes inappropriate and blunt sense of humor made her one of the funniest people i have ever known. seriously, the woman was witty. she didn't know how funny she was or how FUN she was to be around. there was not one moment that i spent with her that i did not enjoy. i mean that so genuinely. not one moment lost.

she was sensitive and passed down her talent for crying at movies and commercials at the drop of a dime to the rest of the girls in the family. and the movie, Imitation of Life...her fave. she always told us about how the end of that movie made her sob like a baby...and i can attest to that. we've watched it together several times just to torture ourselves.

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she adored animals and she liked chocolate and all fruit and could often be found skipping meals to indulge in those things. she never left the house without her lipstick and she always smelled like estee lauder perfume and ponds cold cream.

she's always been there for us...for me. from first love to first heartache. new babies and getting old. there has never been one moment in my life that i havent felt that i couldn't talk to her about sanyting. it didn't matter. i could say what i wanted and her gift to me several times has been making me feel like everything is going to be okay.

there is not much more valuable than that, peace of mind, to a scared teenage or new wife, or new mom. she was there for all of it. if i came to her with an issue, she had a knack for saying something simple, but true and then throwing in a joke and a laugh for good measure.

that was all she would do, and i would feel better. she made anything less of a big deal. after speaking to her, i knew all would be okay. i just knew. if gram was laughing about it or blowing it off...it was okay.

she was unconditional. unconditional.

my last baby will never meet one of the most important women in my life, but she will know that grandma loved her so much anyway.
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gram felt the baby mover here.
i will tell her that grandma and i celebrated her and that gram really wanted me to have a girl;)

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ill show her this photo, that a week before she died, gram did get to 'meet' her. (via instagram)

i will never let my babies forget their great-grandma's loving heart.
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they will learn unconditional love because of the way she loved me...all of us.

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as i sit here writing these words and digging up photos, i'm overwhelmed by both sadness and gratitude.

i am so grateful that i had this woman in my life for as long as i did.

i hope she knows how much i adored her. that is my one hope. i think she did.

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she's been here for a very long time. we are all going to miss her so much.

my mom, aunt and uncles are hurting so deeply right now. i hope they know how much gram loved them and how i know that gram will live on in them and we are all so lucky to have them in our lives. it's a time for grieving and healing. things will be good again.

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gram, i miss you.

i miss your face.

i miss your jokes, your laughter and your kindness but you will always live in my heart.

thank you for being your lovely self. thank you for always laughing even when things weren't fun...oh and gram, thank you for always drinking a beer for heather and i due to our pressuring you. you did it to make us laugh and we knew you really wanted the beer;)

bottom's up, gram. we love you so so much. i love you, gram.


xoxoxoxxo

63 comments:

Handmade in the Bay said...

Heidi, I have no words. I am so so sorry. Sending lots love and thoughts your way.
I can tell your Grandma was a lovely lady, full of life, laughter and happiness. I love all the photos, just priceless.
I lost my dearest Nana last October. I keep picking up the phone to ring her, it still doesn't seem real. I keep going to my drawer and getting out her foundation, and just smelling it, it smells just like her.
Look after yourself, big hugs xx

Roksalanna said...

Oh Heidi I'm so sorry to hear of your dear grandma's passing. What a lovely tribute you've written. Hugs to you.xo

Mrs Mason said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and coming so closely to the safe arrival of Ivy Lynn. Chin up petal. love to all xx

Hazel said...

Oh I'm so sorry, dear Heidi, for your loss. It's never easy even when you know it might be coming. My own maternal grandmother passed away nearly 4 years ago. Despite her having Alzeihmers, and we knew she was going downhill, I can still recall where I was when my father rang to tell me she was gone.
Look after yourself, go gently, and keep remembering all those funny stories and memories. she sounds like a truly special lady who knew how to love, a trait that is either genetic or you learned from watching, or both.
I'm so glad that you got that photo of her looking at Ivy, ivy will know her through you. With love and hugs, Marian xoxo

Nicole said...

I am so sorry for your loss Heidi. I live in Australia and have not seen my grandmother for 3 years (I'm canadian from Toronto).

My grandma underwent heart surgery last year and just a few months ago got a sever blood infection and almost lost her life. I almost lost her and she hash;t met my baby yet either. I have a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old and my 2 yr old has never "met" great-grandma, but they talk on Skype almost everyday.

Thankfully, my grandma pulled through her illness and his home and doing well. I have a trip planned in July to go home for 8 weeks and I am beyond thankful that my baby gets to actually "meet" her great-grandma and I get to hug her again.

My eyes have swelled with tears as I read this and I actually giggled because my gramma too smells of estee lauder perfume :).

Love and hugs to you and your family. xx

www.miss-mommy.com

Gatorale said...

Dear Heidi,

I've been reading your blog for awhile now -- I had originally been introduced to Kelle's through an article in the local newspaper. I think one day she mentioned yours along with a link to it -- been reading ever since!

Strange how these things work -- I was reading Bloom over the weekend and thinking about how you have been such an amazing friend to Kelle when it crossed my mine that you hadn't mentioned your dear grandmother in your blog as of late (although I'm sure you've been a little busy with the arrival of Ivy). I said a little prayer for you and your family -- someone I've never met, but for some reason felt the need to do it just then.

I was saddened to read today's post, but also so glad you had so many wonderful years together. May smiles and memories peek through the pain and safe travels to Michigan.

Lisa Gonzalez said...

Heidi, I'm so sorry for your loss. Beautiful tribute you've given her here. She sounds like an amazing lady.

My dear grandmother passed away just 3 months ago from Alzeihmers. It was a deep loss, one I still feel.

Sending you lots of love and comfort.

J Scheppl said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Heidi. You and your family are all in my prayers. Hugs.

Laura said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandmother and I completely understand and share the pain you feel that she never got to meet Ivy. My Grandmother passed away before I had my daughter Olivia (who is named after my Grandmother) and it breaks my heart that they never got to meet.

I hope your heart is healing.

~Laura

Rhonda said...

What a beautful tribute to you Grandma.
Loss is a terrible thing and sometimes so hard to deal with, even when its expected.

You will see that she is never very far from you at all. She will live in your heart and your memories and you will see her in all the things the both of you enjoyed!

Carry her with you always.

XO
Rhonda

Shannon said...

Oh Heidi. I am so very sorry to hear of your Grams passing. Just looking at the photos, she seemed to have been such a lovely, wonderful, and sweet woman. The pain will ease, eventually...and then just remember the wonderful times. ((hugs)) for you sweetie, I will keep you in my thoughts.

Gemma said...

Heidi you do not know me and I do not know you but I wanted to say that was beautiful. My Nan lives in England which is where I moved from 5 years ago. I know that day when I get the phonecall is coming but I dread for that day. My nan and your grandma sound so alike......may your Grandma rest in peace!

happymommy said...

I am so sorry for you loss. This post is the most beautiful tribute to your grandmother and from every word you wrote, I have no doubt that she knew just how much you loved her and that she is so very proud of you. She truly sounds like she was one of the most loving, caring and fun grandmothers around. Sending Hugs your way!

Lisa Hewlett said...

So sorry friend. It's so hard when this happens. What a sweet tribute, and I know she and Ivy WILL meet one day, in a place where there's no pain :-)

Nadine said...

Heidi, I'm so sorry for your loss!
My grandpa died just two weeks ago, totally unexpected and I wasn't able to fly home to Germany, which was so hard for me.
I know how you feel, but I smiled when you wrote how grateful you are to have had her in your life for such a long time, because that were my exact words only two weeks ago as well.
Her tribute is beautiful and even though Ivy will never get to meet her, she will know how much she was loved by her Great-Grandma.
All the best to you and your family!
Nadine

Daniele said...

this brought tears to my eyes because I lost my great grandma a little over two months ago and could have written the exact same thing about her...there still is so much pain at the fact that I'll never see, or speak to her again, but so much gratitude that I had her for 30 years of my life--and that my girls had a great great grandmother for the beginning of their lives. Your children will definitely know her through you, because of her teaching unconditional love as you said. Hugs...

Rachael said...

Heidi, I've been following you for awhile now, so I know from past posts how much you loved your grandmother, and I think it's wonderful you got to have her in your life for do long. I lost my dear nana to breast cancer three years ago, and though I was prepared,her death was still a shock,so I can understand that feeling. I admire the fact that you honored her memory right away with this post, I still haven't been able to. I'll be thinking of your family during this sad time, hope you can be of comfort to one another, and hold on go the good memories of your grandmother. Your children will always know how amazing she was because they'll have you keeping her memory alive.

Kelly said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It's so hard to lose someone, especially a wonderful grandmother.

This post really resonated with me, as I have a grandmother in declining health too. In fact, we're all surpised she's hung on longer than anyone would have imagined. And in spite of the fact that we know it won't be long, I dread the day that call comes. Our extended family all gathered yesterday to celebrate Easter with her, knowing it will be her last. And unfortunately, she was again admitted to the hospital and unable to join us. We gathered anyway and the day was bittersweet... thinking of the sweet woman who had brought us together, and knowing this is what it will be like once she is gone. Knowing that the next time we all gather, it will be to say goodbye.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

Annie said...

A beautiful post. Tears and feelings of gratefulness in your reminders of how precious life is. Eloquently worded.

Love this, "the value of it is in the perspective one gains from it..." and this "...that life, each and everyday is a gift...a gift to be respected and cared for..."

I agree and hope to keep those thoughts real each day.

My heart goes to you and your family and friends of your grandmother. Many hugs for you all.

Jannice said...

Oh Heidi I'm so sorry for your loss. Your words were beautiful! I only "know" you through your blog - but writing from your heart like this shows what a beautiful woman you really are. You have wonderful memories of your Grandma. That is so special. The heavans are shining so much brighter with her star shining. xo

Anonymous said...

what a loving and beautiful tribute to your Grandma..peace and comfort to you and your family.

Plus one Wee Bean said...

So very sorry for your loss.
Your Gram sounded like an amazing woman!
I hope your memories help you heal.

Anonymous said...

Heidi, I lost my sweet Poppa last May - felt the same as what you are going through, we were so close. I always am reminded, and it's one of Oprah's fave quotes because I saw her tweet it...."we are a spirit living a human experience".....you will miss her no doubt, but she is all good and you will see her again one day because we are all souls living this human experience. love your new baby too!!

Kelly
kellywhite@rogers.com

Sarah said...

Oh, Heidi. Your beautiful words have made me cry. I am sure that your Gram knew just how much you adored her, and it sounds like she was surrounded by a lot of love. I hope that all the good memories, and all the love, will carry you through this. You are one strong cookie, you are. And your Gram was a very successful woman:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

With love, and hugs, Sarah xxx

Greta said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Heidi, I cried for you. I can still remember the pain I felt when my own grandma (and mom) died a few years back. Your grandma was a wonderful person. Even though I didn't meet her, you have told us enough to know it. She is certainly looking down on you all now with much adoration. Rest assured your grandma is young again and pain-free, and in the most wonderful place now. With all the beautiful photos, stories and memories you have of her, your kids will definitely "know" your grandma and feel her presence :)
BTW, you look a lot like her when she was younger. I can see it in the photo of her holding you & Heather.

Heidi said...

Sarah, that quote is beautiful. I love it. Thank you. And for saying we look alike... Greta, what a sweet compliment:) xo

Kelly, enjoy her. Im praying for her:)

Rachael, nadine, laura, and lisa... Im sorry:( losing a loved one stinks.

Gatorale, thank you. The trip to mi in a week will be weird, sad.

Hazel;) xo

All comments are so sweet and genuine. It helps . Thank u ladiies!

Xoxo

Feeling very supported;)

Sarah said...

Heidi, I am so sorry for your loss....your post echo'd so many of my own thoughts when my own Grandma passed away a few years ago. My son was just 6 months old, my daughter 2 1/2.....they don't remember her now.....they were too little when she left us. It makes my heart ache to know that they are missing out on having such an amazing woman in their lives. But, I know that my Grandma shaped the person that I am today in so many ways, and that because of her, I am a better person....a better mama to my kids. So, in a big way, she is in their lives still....just as your Gram is going to be a part of your children's lives through you! Thanks for making part of my day remembering my Grandma....I hope the thoughts you shared with us and the happy memories of your Gram bring some peace to your hurting heart!
Big hugs!
Sarah

Katie said...

You brought tears to my eyes and I have no doubt that she knew how much you adored her and that you will cherish the many memories you have of her. And I agree with some of the other posters, you definitely look like her :)

Unknown said...

So sorry for your loss.

Heather said...

that was beautiful heidi . im so sorry for your loss . xo

Nicole S said...

Such a beautiful post. I'm sure you know this but you look so much like her in that photo of her holding you as a baby. There's a smile in her eyes that you have. I hope you and your family find peace. My thoughts are with all of you.

Erin said...

This is so beautiful, Heidi. Took my breath away... The way you love life and love those in your life is such an inspiration to me. I'm 25 and am inspired, because of your post, to embrace those in my life more fully, to love them...and to call my grandma today. Hugs to you!

Shauna said...

Im so sorry for your loss. A huhe loss right when life is suppose to full of happiness right now with your little Ivy. I know exactly how you feel though, I had my plane ticket in hand and was a day away to go see my Grandma when she passed. something we will never forget, but what gives me solace is my Grandma passed knowing I was coming soon. Take Care Heidi.

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

Heidi I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for you. I know how much you loved her and she's looking down smiling at you. Prayers and hugs. Xo

Stephanie said...

Heidi,

I feel an ache that begins in my heart and grows stronger in the pit of my stomach as I read the sadness you are going through. I lost my own Grams just this past July. Your descriptions of your Grams sounds so similar to how my dear Grams was too. I'm sure they've found each other up there, and are cracking jokes left and right. I like to think so anyways. I love the photo where you can see her eyes smiling as she looks over your newest daughter!! I hope the next days, weeks, and months bring you moments to let the tears out and may laughter quickly follow the tears. Cheers to that!

Here's a link to my tribute to my Grams, written only a month before she left us without her. http://sdegraw.blogspot.com/2011/06/in-her-shoes.html

Anonymous said...

Heidi, I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. you will always have your beautiful memories to help you through as she will always have a special place in your heart ..my condolences to all your family
Louise

abbie said...

So sorry for your loss! You are in my thoughts and prayers. You have your grandma's eyes :)

Sherri said...

Heidi, this was beautiful. I felt ya on every word. I'm so sorry for you loss.

Lovely Love said...

This was such a pretty post, it made me cry, because even though my grandma didn't die a few days ago, my parents just got seperated, and even though I'm 26 years old, it hurts. So thank you :)I'm glad you had such a wonderful soul in your life and she will continue to be with always in ALL WAYS

SuperMilf said...

Talk about tugging at your heartstrings! I have a HUGE lump in my throat right now, and if weren't 1230am I would call my Nana immediately. I always say I need to make more of an effort to see her, but this post just kicked me right in the gut. I need to stop talking/thinking and DO.

I am so very sorry for your family's loss. Sending positive thoughts to you and your loved ones. Keep your chin up!

XOXO
Jazzmine

SuperMilf said...
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kimberleyb60 said...

Hello dear, I just wanted to tell you that your words were beautiful.Dont ever say I hope she knew how much you loved her, she could of not loved you more, you tried to make every day as special as you could,and Grandma adored you!Im sitting here at 3:35 AM, reading your blog for the first time,waiting for some alone time,I grabbed some kleenex and approached the computer, knowing what I was in for.I always end up crying at your blogs on a normal day,but this was just, well let me say, it was motrin 800 and my bed,right after. You described Mom,beautifuly in every detail.You captured her and her heart! I feel your pain honey, I never imagined this kind of pain, I feel like my heart is broken in pieces. We all need to take peace knowing she was tired and she is resting in comfort, and The Lord will take good care of her now. Remember it's not goodbye, It's see you agin soon. I pray that your heart heals fast.I am at the other end of the phone ANY time you need anything.I love you, I'm here for you, and I am thinking about you. I will see you and beautiful Ivy next week. Love,hugs and kisses xxxxooooo Aunt Kim

Heather said...

Tonight we will eat soup from mugs and I will think of you and yours. She knew Heidi, just look at how she looks at you, look at how you captured her beauty, she knew.

Talia said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. You have written a beautiful tribute to your Grandma and I am sure she is in heaven smiling upon you.

Hugs, prayers and thoughts sent to you...

Lisa said...

Hugs to you, Heidi. I'm so sorry for your loss. My beloved grandmother also passed away 2 days before I was taking my daughter to meet her and it felt like being hit in the stomach.

The life cycle is a funny thing, isn't it? Here you've spent the last month celebrating a new life, and now you will intertwine those feelings with grieving a departed one.

You can tell in the photos that your grandmother loved you very much. I am sure she will send you comfort in her own way in the difficult coming months. Watch for her; she will be there in a rainbow, a butterfly, or perhaps a random whiff of estee lauder out of nowhere :)

~ Lisa (lisaw00 on IG)

Party of Ten said...

So so sad. You loved her so much, I'm so sorry.

kk said...

heidi this is so beautiful! your gram is so proud of you and your family, i'm sure. this post is so touching and has me longing for that kind of love. thanks for sharing.

Sarah said...

Oh I'm so sorry for your pain, but so moved by your love and your stories. I know you (and your kids) brought her much joy; that should bring you a little reprieve. I read a quote once about how grandparents hold our hands for a little while and our hearts forever. You are right, it is natural, but oh, so painful; no one loves us like our grandmothers do!

Anonymous said...

I haven't cried for my grandma in a long time. But tonight the tears fell hard reading your tribute. How blessed you both were to have each other. If my granddaughter writes something like that for me one day...wow...

Tisha said...

Heidi - I'm so sorry for your loss. Your tribute was beautiful, it sounds like she had a very full life.

Jen Czupek said...

Grandmas rock. Love to you and your family as you remember, heal and tuck away those important memories of her to pull out when you need them most.

Dara said...

Oh Heidi, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Grams. Your words and photos speak to the beautiful, love filled life she lived. I like to think that we never really say "goodbye" to our angels, but rather "see you in a couple decades." Hope your memories bring comfort during this difficult time...and always.

Bethany said...

oh my gosh, this is beautiful. so much of what you said resonates with me, my grandma is your grandma and our relationship is the same. although my gram is still alive, i know this day is coming and i feel like i held back reading this, because the pain would be too real. i'm so sorry heidi. :(

Jill said...

Beautiful tribute to your grandma. Wow, she sure sounds like one amazing lady! Loved seeing all the old pictures. I am so sorry for your loss.

Love,
Jill B (Overland Park, KS)

Cooking for My Kids said...

You had me in tears, but you made me laugh, too, at the thought of your sweet gram drinking a beer for you. Thank you for sharing her with us. Many blessings to you.

Kiley said...

My heart aches for you and myself at the sametime. My family is going through the samething with my Grammy. And this post makes me think of how precious our time is left with her

Rebecca said...

So beautifully written Heidi. Such an honour to a clearly amazing woman. xo

aimee jones said...

The pictures are just beautiful! I know you will miss your grandma so much. Find comfort in her meeting your little Ivy.

GraceesMommy said...

Each time I sat down to really. really. read this something pulled me away. I am glad because in the process I have read some parts of this post 3 times and I feel like I learn a bit more about your grandma each time. You will always miss her. I still miss my Nana and she died when I was in high school...but that just means we were one of the lucky ones who had such a special woman in our lives. And in our cases these incredible women have raised incredible daughters who will step in and take their place in being fantastic grandmothers to our children..I have to tell you that the picture of Peyton hugging your grandmother is so moving..made me cry. I am praying for you and I am also struck by the fact that God knew when you would need new life in your family because one precious life was called home..to his garden. love to you my friend. ♥

Anonymous said...

Oh Heidi, I'm so sorry......You can see the love between you in the beautiful photos and read the love in your words. Just remember how lucky you were to have her for as long as you did....and how lucky she was to have you! Prayers and love coming your way.
Donna Saganek

Sian said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear she gone! I think she knew how much she was loved. In that photo where she is holding two babies (you and your sister?)I literally saw you, the same eyes, same smile!
*big hugs*

Tia Gise said...

I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I am still crying... This is beautiful!

danielle said...

I just came across this as I just got the call…. my grams is on her final days… I am across the country from her… Thank you for sharing… your words, your experience make me feel I am not alone int his journey of having to let her go…

damn this sucks
but thank you