being analytical, even at the early age of seven, i can remember sitting there and wondering how i would ever get so old and with a smug attitude, i decided that when i eventually did turn fourteen, i would be even cooler than my cool babysitter and that was that.
it's all relative, right?
last week i turned 35. i pause when i say it because i'm not sure i'm speaking correctly of myself. of course there was a time that i thought 35 was ancient and life would surely be over, but i think we all learn that this is not true and we either lie to ourselves or really believe that we are younger than we are...'cause i'm gonna be honest, i don't feel old and in fact despite all of the jokes of being an old woman- i feel pretty good and i'm happy at the age that i find myself to be!
i will admit though, i called my mom and asked her how it felt that her daughters were 35 now. she just laughed and said, " i know, i can't believe it...you girls are getting up there!" thanks, mom;)
even though i have another blog post in the hopper that i'll post that in a couple of days, i thought i would post a little about what it feels like in this moment after just celebrating a birthday...a diary entry of sorts like i did when i turned 34! a little self absorbed...maybe but when it's your birthday, you can be! seriously. it's one day...take it!
things i've been pondering, because if a birthday does nothing else for me, it forces me to reflect to on where i've been, where i'm goin'...you know what i'm saying!
* you know when people in their thirties say that they no longer feel like they have anything to prove to anyone. they can be themselves. who cares what other people think about them. well, it's kinda true. i think there is a freedom that comes with age and experience. with living and loving and most of all...learning.
i'm learning that there is a balance between not giving a damn and really caring a lot. i guess part of it is this confidence that has grown within me gradually and most of it comes from being a mom. being responsible for these two, almost three little humans that just. mean. so. much.
it's figuring out that we kind of need to have beliefs and firm thoughts and ideas on certain things so we can then pass them on to our children so that they then have a foundation on which to stand.
don't touch the cake please!
trying so hard...
* what really matters is spending time with people that i love and care about and meeting new people and taking the time to hear their story because i've learned that there is a lot that can be learned from the people around us. i didn't always know this.
* i've learned that sometimes i cry over things that make me happy and others things that make me sad and it's okay. it's also okay to let the kids share in those emotions...sometimes. to cry or laugh with a friend who needs you to be there...there isn't a greater gift to that person who needs a shoulder and a validating sentiment. i know this because i've been on the receiving end.
* i've learned that my life is full, very full of blessings and good health and all of the things that i pray to God each night to keep, but that sometimes i want more. it's life. it's cool because all that really matters is a healthy and content family...and really this is all that i ever really want. well, that and time machine!
* i've learned that it really is the smallest things in life that matter most. these are the things that i enjoy and think about for long moments throughout the day...
the way beckham's eyelashes tickle my cheeks when he gives me a kiss; or peyton's new smile that surprises me each time she laughs and i catch a glimpse of her adult teeth that don't yet fit her sweet mouth yet, or the way she grasps my fingers while we lay in bed watching a movie together at night when it's just the two of us; or how beckham is all grown up when he walks into school in the morning, but when i come to pick him up in the afternoon, he forgets all about that big boy stuff and turns into my baby again by grinning ear to ear while saying mama, mama over and over again and jumping into my arms to give me a huge hug and kiss...every single day.
thank you, jeff for taking these pictures!! xo
thank you, peyton and becks for making my birthday so special! i love you so much and you are the best presents anyone could ask for. i'm a lucky girl and i know it!
i think what the guinea pig is trying to say, "help me!" peyton loves bunny so much. it really is funny.
there are so many of these things i could write about.
the pride i feel when one of the kids finishes dinner and then walks their plate over to the sink instead of leaving it on the table or when they get up on their own and brush their teeth, make their bed and get dressed on school days (it doesn't happen often, but when it does it's like christmas morning!)
* i've said before that my 'laugh' lines don't bother me much and that i rather like them. well, some mornings i do and some i don't and on those days a little extra slathering of some kind of serum promising younger looking skin in two weeks keeps me happy until the next month or so when i remember to care about it all over again!
* i've learned that sometimes i get really nervous over work, over staying true to myself but wanting to please others or the client...i think this is a good thing. i think it makes me try to always be better, do better, think more.
* i've learned that i have/need to let go of some control in regards to my kids and school. as much as i'd LOVE to choose teachers, classmates, friends and BE there to make sure they are happy and okay...i can't. it's tough at first, but it's okay. it's called life and we all get the PRIVILEGE of learning and growing up and it's a really good thing.
(even though i want to talk to the little girls who told peyton she couldn't play princesses with them the other day;) i can't and i'm not supposed to. let go, let go. my new chant!
* this year more than any year, i have learned that life is a mystery and i'm so glad it is. i have this little one growing inside of me and i forgot how amazing, magical, surreal it is to be pregnant. i've been sick, really sick with migraines for the last month or more, but i never forget why i'm under the weather and while i am 'patiently' waiting to feel the first flutters of this little one, i grow more and more in love with him or her. i'm stuck at not wanting this pregnancy to end and wanting it to so i can get my hands on this little one. i want to smother it in kisses and introduce him or her to peyton and beckham. i can't wait.
look who's growing!
* happy birthday to my look alike, heather. i love you so much, xoxo
...i could go on but i'm rambling, so i will end this by saying thank you to my family, friends, clients, and readers for making me a better person. for inspiring me in so many ways and for teaching me to do better. you all make my world a better place and i love you for it. thank you also to my friends who made my 35th extra special!
now, i'm off to prepare for my OB appt tomorrow morning where i will get to hear my baby's heartbeat!!!!
PS sneak peeks, info on the next giveaway and more will be posted in three days... migraines and life don't mix well i've learned but it's getting better.... yahooooooo!!!!!!