Friday, May 13, 2011

the fool in me.

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"I must learn to love the fool in me -the one who feels to much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and get hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool." Theodore Rubin

i love this quote. theodore was a smart guy and i am deducing this thought from just this one quote. he had to have been a tad wise to how life operated and i will assume he was at the very least, thirty years old when he wrote it.

i read it today as i was going through a file i have on my computer simply titled...
Cool Quotes. it's a file on my waaaaay too messy desktop and i add anything to it from hilarious YouTube links to mushy and inspirational quotations that i have picked up from various blogs or internet trips.

i relate to it and i think we all do on some level or another.

i do talk a lot and i can be overly sensitive, if not, dramatic about dew drops on a leaf or the way way the sun is casting a golden ray of sunshine on an overly grown field of wildflowers. i do sometimes laugh too loud and cry too often.

we have all cried at a hallmark commercial or the folgers coffee commercial that is aired during the holidays...big bro comes home and sister is waiting for him, they embrace and have an early morning convo, just the two of them. if you are from florida, you know when a Publix grocery story commercial hits the television during christmas, you are a puddle. at least once.

and when their is a lull in conversation, i'm the girl who feels the need to fill it up. i can not be near another human being for longer than a minute and not say anything. and this includes babies and strangers in an elevator. and what is going on in an elevator? if you're in a small and enclosed space, i find it hard not look at the other person and at least say hi, throw them a warm smile, or compliment their perfume. yet, it is my experience that it is rarely done, and if it is done, it often happens so fast and is over so quickly that my brain hadn't had enough time to even register facial details.

i'm guilty of this as well. for the better part of my years, i spent much time and effort to avoid looking at the person standing 2 feet in front of me and for the most part they, too avoided eye contact at all cost. it's weird.

the other day when i was sitting with a friend and talking about motherhood and how it. can. be. so. damn. draining.

she had had a rough night. she looked like she was on the verge of tears and knowing all too well how that can feel, i told her what i knew to be true, which is...
"you're a great mom. it IS hard, but tomorrow will be better. promise."

after exchanging stories...it became quiet. i was tired and not thinking at all and needing to fill the space, i opened my mouth blew her big birthday surprise.

i did. i felt myself shrinking as i saw the confused look on her face. i wanted to cry, run, disappear. it was...horrifying. she laughed it off because she knew i was ready to throw myself in front of a semi. (sorry again & thank you, L:) it made me think about how i/we interact with people.

i have heard countless times that as we get older, we learn to be more excepting of ourselves, however; i'm thinking that maybe as we mature, we feel free enough to be the person we have always been. perhaps we are an enhanced version of ourselves. the natural evolution through time and experience has made us more wise in the ways of the world. we become more excepting and open to new ideas, thus making us more confident of our own thoughts and ideas. i love this idea. this evolution of ourselves.

seeing a friend laugh too loud, cry when they are hurt, and show themselves to be human...vulnerable and imperfect, these are my favorite kind of people. i adore the people who tell a joke and when they do it's just not funny...i feel endeared to that kind of person and i admire them, so i laugh anyway.

so, the fool in me is out in full force tonight and it's a good feeling.

i hope my babies value what it is to live by taking chances. i hope they laugh too loud and love too hard. my wish for them is to see sooner than later that winning is grand, but not always the most important; to feel from experience that giving is more fulfilling than receiving; to cry for those less fortunate is okay and good; for them to know that they will make mistakes and that even still, everything will be alright and it doesn't take away from who they are as people. i want them to create anything with confidence and without abandon.

as they grow older and learn more about themselves, they will eventually/hopefully evolve into who they are and know how special they are and have always been.

i want them to be who they are and proud of it. this would be my greatest achievement.

***
things i'm loving lately:
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afternoon swims with beckham.

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early morning hockey games with my little guy. he acts out ten different game scenarios each time we play. last week, i watched as he threw himself on the ground face first. i ran over to pick him up, but instead he peeled his little face off the of the cement just long enough to tell me that someone checked him and he was now hurt. he needed someone to bring a bed out and carry him 'off the ice.' instead, i rolled him over each time and snapped my fingers three times at which point he would open his eyes and continue playing.

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saturday morning soccer games.

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food being cooked in front of us always taste better!

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officially, we have a student in the house doing homework. can she be this old already?

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oh, i get it!

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bra shopping. i actually had fun. who knew?

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peyton took a field trip to an organic fruit farm and she proudly brought them home and served them for dessert. "i picked these, mommy. aren't they cute and little!"

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his sweet, but dirty feet.

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and the way he loves his mama.

"i love you all the way to the moon and back and then to north carolina too."
(not sure where he learned about north carolina, but i melted instantly.)

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warm weather cooking!

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tomatoes on my sill getting even better.

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having a pet or two... it's new to us, but we love it so far.

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and finally, peyton asking to make a photo of her PURPLE. beckham too.

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friends of ours were shooting a local tv commercial for their pest control (cat's eye) service and asked us to be a part of it. jeff played many roles and i think he's hoping for a golden globe nod, but it was the kids who had the most fun...

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***
and i've been cooking again and my kids won't eat anything these days. so, i thought i would come up with something that may work since my kids LOVE bacon. we don't eat it often, but it was buy 1 get 1 at the market, so i decided to try making something i wanted the kids to eat by adding to bacon to the recipe.

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Chicken and Pasta with Peas and Bacon
i threw this together quickly but it was very good.

you will need:
a pound of chicken breast
8 slices bacon, crisped in a pan and then chopped up.
a bag of defrosted, frozen peas
extra virgin olive oil
garlic salt (i didn't have fresh)
pepper
a pound of cooked linguini cooked in a boiling pot of salted water
shredded parm cheese (1/4 cup)
juice from half lemon

first cook bacon in a fry pan. when done, place cooked bacon on a paper towel lined plate to drain the fat. chop the bacon up and set aside. use some of the fat from the bacon (about one tablespoon and a drizzle of olive oil) season the chicken with garlic salt and pepper and place chicken in the skillet and cook about 5 minutes on each side or until cooked through. (do not overcook. i do it all the time and it ruins everything:)
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remove cooked chicken from skillet and set aside. add peas to skillet (if needed add a half tablespoon EVOO to pan) and warm them up. finally, add a tablespoon of butter to pan to melt and add drained linguini, chopped chicken, bacon, cheese to skillet and toss until noodles are evenly coated. salt and pepper again.

finally, at the end add the lemon juice. it tastes so fresh against the heaviness of the bacon.

italian parsley never hurt anyone, so feel free to add it if you have it.

this is not a diet food, but it's also not as heavy as it could be. there is no cream and only small amounts of fat to sautee the meats.

so, i loved it and jeff love, but the kids simply picked out the pieces of bacon and ate those. of course, i didn't let them get away with that AND i laid on the pressure..."ya, know- mommy made this pasta with bacon in it just for you." didn't work as well as i thought, but at least i have a new recipe in my arsenal. enjoy.

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and finally, photos from a few readers who threw themselves out there and took a photo that inspired them...
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thank you, heather boissonnealt. what a sweet boy!

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sarah sent this one in of her daughter that was taken during the soft and golden time of day. love the mood of it.

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daniele VW got down low and didn't use a flash this time. i love what was captured!

i have more to share and i will soon.
thanks for reading what i had to share and noticing how light can and does make a big difference in your photos!
***

happy weekend, xoxoxo

15 comments:

dig this chick said...

seeing a friend laugh too loud, cry when they are hurt, and show themselves to be human...vulnerable and imperfect, these are my favorite kind of people. mine too. can't wait to meet you and know my raucous laughter and open-book humor will be well-received. x

Jannice said...

I think I'm one of those friends...I hope my friends love me for it! Funny - I wasn't always...I was painfully shy, but forced myself to be more social when I started haveing babies so that they would not see me as so shy! Now I talk to anybody anytime...and my girls tell me I chat too much!
By the way...I love dirty kid feet - just proof of having lots of fun outside in the beautiful weather! have a great weekend!

Sian said...

I think that may be the single most important thing that I have learnt as I've got older. I'm always trying to better myself, be the best I can be. But I have stopped trying to be perfect and accept/embrace my flaws. They make me, me ;) My messy, cant count, forgetful self is just as it needs to be lol I Love all your photos and the one with Beckham with the water droplets is soooo good. x

Sarah said...

OH MY GOSH!!! I love this post, and loved it before I saw my picture, promise. And I know I would love the person you describe in yourself. And, holy cow, girl your kitchen is amazing! Your home is GORGeOUS!! It makes me feel good that such a nice, real person lives in a tv-worthy home!! Thanks for linking to me and showing my face. I got a zoom lense for Mother's Day..can't wait for more photo tips.

Anna Ruth said...

We are all human. We laught, cry, and have good and bad days. Our family and friends love us no matter what kind of mood we are in. In our kids eyes we are perfect. How sweet that is.

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

Once again, loving all your pics. I love that Peyton wears that cowboy hat cause my girls run around with theirs on too. Hilarious.

Amie said...

I agree-I think as we age we learn to just be OURSELVES.

Things I love from this post: dirty feet, summer food, your girl's teeth growing in.

And I have to know how EXACTLY you go about taking photos of bras in a store without looking ridiculous!! You are TOTALLY awesome.

Heidi said...

amie!! LOL, i actually did look like a looney tunes when i took it;) i felt like one too:)

jannice, peyton is always telling me to be quiet and to stop dancing. she looks disgusted at me for shaking my groove thing:)

xo

Sarah said...

I think I meant to say thanks for showing my girl's face or thanks for showing my picture. Not sure why I typed the other.

patsy said...

that is my hope for my girls too...to live with confidence and without abandon. and is that any way to laugh other than too loud? and love the pic of the proud parents looking at their 'newborn' in the last post, made me laugh. and can't remember if i ever thanked you for the awesome french toast recipe you posted....my husband thanks you and my girls thank you...it was delish :)

genderist said...

"I want them to be who they are and be proud of it"

This is huge. Just imagine the world we would be living in if all kids had an adult in their life who was this committed to empowering them!

April said...

Hey, friend! How have you been? I am missing you. Just thought I'd stop by and drop you a line to let you know I'm thinking of you and your beautiful FL weather ... just a tad jealous, can you tell?

xoxo,
April

LCR said...

This is why I love reading blogs. It is so cool to hear thoughts other people have and share the "aha" moments!
"We feel free enough to be the person we have always been" This is so beautiful.
To read your blog and know that "even a well adjusted mommy of two" has some of the same thoughts and inner battles as I do is helpful, and I admire that you conquer them and handle them gracefully.
Thank you for sharing, Heidi.
xo
Lauren

Kristine said...

I love this post. I say that a lot around here :) You seriously rock. Your kids make me smile. My little man tells me that he loves me to the moon and back also. Then he adds something different on every time. "and to the backyard, under the swing set, and back to the couch to snuggle" 'sigh' Doesn't get any better.
xo
Kris

Kelle said...

I've sucked at commenting lately even though we talk in person about this stuff.
Loved this post and the pics.
xoxo