so, i hoist his long, gangling and getting-heavier-by-the-day body onto my hip where he does not rest confidently that i won't drop him onto the hot pavers on my driveway. it's almost a game that i play with myself: can i cling on to a drink, a phone, a book, my baby and all of what he wants to tote with him...can i make it to my car? will i drop him, finally? will today be the day for what has become inevitable in my mind?
'just make another trip into the house,' the logical part of my internal voice screams at me.
but the selfish-in-a-hurry corner of my internal voice scolds, 'dude, he won't fall and if he did...it's like a whole 3 inches from the ground. get over it or make him walk already-get a GRIP LADY!'
and just as beckham's little body almost fully slides off of mine... aha!!! i did it. he's in the car seat, i've got all my...crap and we are off to pick up little peyton mae from school!
i tell this little story because it is my routine. it's comforting to know that i will hop in the car with my little guy in tow. we'll drive the short distance to the school and join the long line of anxiously awaiting parents. in my case, anxious to smile proudly at my girl! say "hi" to her in my sweetest voice. hug or squeeze her for the first time in at least six hours when earlier she was dropped off after breakfast.
i love that moment...she spots the car, sometimes she waves, others...she ignores me. when it is our turn to pick up our young student...she jumps in and gives me what i like to think is the, you belong to me! i'm so glad you came to get me-face! i get a quick, 'hi mommy' and then the inevitable...'did you bring me a snack?' this greeting has all but replaced the greetings of a brown, wispy-haired baby girl who used to blow strawberry kisses all over the glass panes of our front door when she spotted us returning home from somewhere away from her.
i miss that...but am grateful for the proud and shy smile from the school pick-up line.
before all that though, i really enjoy the quiet time spent in the car waiting for her.
beckham usually watches 'beckham spiderman,' or falls asleep and i get to sink my teeth into a magazine or a book.
the book that i carry with me pretty much anywhere i go in the hopes that i may get a free minute to read a page or three is:
it is written by brenda ueland and i am pretty sure that she is one of my favorite people in this whole world. i love how she puts her thoughts, teachings, lessons to print. she is genuinely funny and so wise. i found this book through kelle. i bought it two years ago, but just recently have taken the time to really read it.
if i don't get something, i go back and read it until i do. it's really a book about living your most authentic life.
so one day, while waiting for the school bell to ring, i read a few pages that spoke to me so loudly that i made my husband and a few friends listen to me over the phone as i read these words from brenda's book:
(brenda was a writing teacher and often shows excerpts from her students' work. after reading a passage from one of her students who happens to be a young wife and mother of two children and who also likes to write is actually quite good and really funny. brenda tells her so, but the young mother lacks confidence.
instead the young wife excels at cooking, child-rearing and 'husband-ministering to the complete neglect of her Imagination and creative power...'
admittedly, it may be a bit old-fashioned and in my opinion...just plain funny, but she completes her above thought with these words:
In fact that is why the lives of most women are so vaguely unsatisfactory. They are always doing secondary and menial things (that do not require all their gifts and ability) for others and never anything for themselves. Society and husbands praise them for it (when they get too miserable or have nervous breakdowns), though always a little perplexedly and halfheartedly and just to be consoling. The poor wives are reminded that this is just why women are so splendid--because they are so unselfish and self-sacrificing and that is the wonderful thing about them!
But inwardly women know that something is wrong. They sense that if you are always doing something for others, like a servant or a nurse, and never anything for yourself, you cannot do others any good. You make them physically more comfortable. But you cannot affect them spiritually in any way at all. For to teach, encourage, cheer up, console, amuse, stimulate, or advise a husband or children or friends, you have to be something yourself. And how to be something yourself? Only by working hard and with gumption at something you love and care for and think is important.
So if you want your children to be musicians, then work at music yourself, seriously and with all your intelligence. If you want them to be honest, be honest yourself. And so it goes.
she goes on to say that the 'worn and hectored' who long to write, or do something that fills them with life or that which gets your creative juices flowing..."should close the door, take an hour of time for yourself, away from the children and do whatever it is you need to do that makes you creatively happy."
But after all these centuries of belief that women should be only encouragers and fosterers of talent in others, and have none of their own, it is hard to do. I know that. But if women once learn to be something themselves, that the only way to teach is to be fine and shining examples, we will have in one generation the most remarkable and glorious children.
i just loved this and i certainly do not believe that women who take great care and joy in making a house a home are angry, bored, and depleted of any kind of talent or true happiness. the opposite. i think that staying home and fostering the talents of my babies brings me great the greatest joys...some of the greatest in my life.
i guess i loved most of what the author wrote because...she's so damn right. i felt a little beat down one night... very tired and with a long list of to do's for the next day. the very next afternoon,however; i sat in car line and turned the page to those very validating words and i instantly felt better. i think it was divine intervention...lol.
sometimes, i feel guilty for writing a blog post in the middle of the day, or having to schedule a photo shoot when the kids would rather i be home. having to work when the kids want me to play. wanting to write when i could be making dinner. finding a moment to catch up on something that needs to be done, but instead watching a movie.
the fact of the matter is, we are all extremely busy. and although, good men are working hard too, i am speaking of us women.
it is true that others' needs do come before our own and we give that of ourselves eagerly. especially to those that we love and wish the best for.
i struggle with keeping things organized. i truly need to make lists to keep it all together...and i do. i manage pretty well, but i am always working on it. trying to balance the things that need to be done, should be done, with the things that make me happy as a person. as heidi.
it's important. my work, my kids, my passions...all of it. there is time to make it all work. some way, somehow, i will try to do the things that i value. i hope, as women and mothers, we all do.
most of us are great mothers...we try our best. we know we aren't perfect, but we love our families. i'm thinking that is enough to drop all of the guilt. i'm cutting the anchor...dropping the guilt. (well, i'm going to try;)
end rant. i guess i needed that, ha.
as promised, here is a little something that i do in photoshop to correct redness on one part of a photo. as always, this is just what i do. i am sure there are many other and possibly more efficient ways of doing the same thing, but maybe this will help someone out there!!!
i know some readers have said they have specific questions about shooting manually or in a certain program mode? please email me your exact questions to email@example.com and i will try to get back to you or at the very least, post a Q&A on what works for me. i apologize if you have sent me questions on the comments sections or email and i haven't responded yet.
what mode do you shoot in?
*i shoot in manual and aperture-priority modes
if you are shooting in automatic...easily switch your little switch to AV and PRACTICE. set your aperture high/fast number (smaller, 1.8, 2,8,..)
little abigail had a cold the day of our shoot. her little nose was runny and pink. i always work in layers, so command J. i used my lasso tool to lasso the area i wanted to work on.
I went into hue/saturation and removed some red. be careful not to remove so much that you turn that area gray.
merge layers. done.
this is a very bare bones way of telling what i do, but i am not a photoshop expert. however, this is step by step, so i hope it helps even if just a little. send me any questions you may have on this if it's not clear.
we are in michigan for a few days!!! we are loving the cooler weather and of course, the fall season. i have so many photos to share and they are mostly of apple cider, spiced donuts, and crunchy leaves. today we visited a pumpkin patch and apple orchard...and even though i lost the kids in a corn maze...all ended well...it was an amazing day spent with my big fat italian family...
okay, not fat, but crazy italian family.
and a few photos from last week...
waffles on the fly...and still not believing that my baby walks into school and is gone all day.
and dancing in the driveway before school when we should have been on our way...to school! love these kids.
and date with a little girl who has blown me away with how much she has grown and learned in the first month of school...my little star patriot! we are so proud of you.