Thursday, November 3, 2011

so...i'm happy.

lately, you can find me weeping. full on weeping at the most random times.


driving my car home from a milk, egg, and cheese run; on the way to pick my kids up from school; sitting on the couch...alone; while talking on the phone, i could easily break into cry as easily and quickly as christina aguilera can jump to her 4th octave while changing into her whistle register (i googled that;).


i've been crying...but it's because i'm so happy! i'm not happy 100% of the time, but in general i just feel like a lucky girl. i guess i want to talk about it.


the other day my neighbor came to the door and after i opened it he said, "wow, are you as happy as you look?" surprised by his hello, i gave myself a little mental prop for appearing so happy and refreshed and when i really stopped to think about it, i looked happy because i was.


i'm not bragging my happiness around...i promise, i'm just happy that someone noticed and that my crying has not superseded the perception of my mental well-being. because sometimes, most times, i think i really could be losing my mind a bit.


i look to other moms in the hopes that, no i don't want anything bad to happen to them, but that yes, i would love to see a little teeny tiny breakdown of some sort. not the kind of breakdown that requires a psychologist, two neurologists, 5 xanax and a month of bed rest. no, i'm not evil.


you know the kind of freak-out i'm talkin' about. the exhausted, my-kid-pooped-in-his-pants-three-times-this morning-and-my-coffee-machine-broke-and-i'm-late-for-work-and-i look fat-in this-outfit kinda meltdown.


just a little something that reminds me that yes, i am normal...still. see, other good moms and wives crack-up for a minute or two...it's perfectly normal. we've all heard the old saying, misery loves company...which I HATE by the way because actually when i'm miserable, the last thing i want is miserable company, rather i will go looking for the nearest friend with a rainbow growing out of her bottom and tell her we need to go bake a pie or something.


my body is {growing} this tiny little human being that i can. not. wait. to. meet. what will he or she be like/look like/laugh like? where will i be when i hear he or she says, 'love you, mama!' for the first time. okay, gonna cry.


so growing out of my clothes...even my larger ones is all worth it, but those tears come to. that's not as pretty, but it's all part of life and learning and loving...blah, blah, blah!


what i'm really loving is this season and soon thanksgiving will be here and nothing excites me more than hanging with family in group settings. the kids will be bonding, telling secrets now because they are at that stage. we will eat and catch up and talk about the past and the future. yum. i can't wait.


i know my northern family members may differ on this thought, but i am missing the michigan fall and it's weather which warrants scarves, mittens, and layers of long johns over jeans!


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i begged her to ignore the cold for one minute while i snapped one photo of them together...the next photo: after the promise of hot cocoa and cinnamon sugar donut. it works. no guilt on my part came with practice and consistency!


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where happiness abounds according to b's face at least.


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we soaked in the plethora of orange colored orbs that were waiting to be the 'chosen one!' and what is it about choosing a pumpkin that is perfect, in our own minds. of the four of us, we will shoot down ten pumpkins before selecting thee one. honestly, it's a fricking pumpkin. they're all beautiful in their own way. i need to relax! this advice will be heeded in regards to the choosing of the perfect christmas tree as well. CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!

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we huddled together with mom and dad and then i ran as fast as i could to order my first cup of warm apple cider. nothing better.


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***

birthday bowling with our michigan pals:

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***

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after the orchard...it was a hockey game. tickets courtesy of uncle gil...thank you, uncle gil!


and even though here in florida, we don't relish in the same kind of autumn environment, we do our best to have fun with it...

so we broke out the tools,

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and set out to find the treasure within the pumpkin...

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peyton wanted to use the timer on my camera to capture this moment of our family of four. it was a good idea.


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the next day i visited peyton at school for her hat parade and when she spotted me in the crowd, she reached out to me...i suppressed an urge to cry (i think i may have a mental imbalance:) and grabbed her hand, happy that she still needs me to hold her hand when things get loud and crazy...i'm the one who can make her feel better, i won't always be the one, but on tuesday i was enough.


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***

what's not to love about halloween. we get to dress up and walk around the neighborhood checking out the other kids and parents. it's good to be reminded that we are a part of a large community and every year i vow to be a better neighbor because i want to be the 'lady down the street,' that brings muffins and freshly cut flowers (out of my own garden) to new people, under the weather people,...but i'm not. i'm going to try harder...


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we held our annual chili/hot dog feast before trick or treating. friends come over every year and i love the tradition!


the pumpkin was lit, the music was playing and the food was done...friends were coming

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and when i heard one of the hubby's in the group say something softly but still loud enough for me to hear, i smiled and said, "what did you say?" and even though i already heard it once, it was exactly what was going through my mind at the time. he said, " oh, this is great. this is a great memory!" it was after he had greeted all of us with a hug and watched his wife hold their new son while smiling at his daughter. he was happy to be here.

:) felix.


my heart swelled, i may have teared up even. it made me so happy to see all of us together sharing some time together while our kids played star wars in the driveway and took the guinea pig for a mustang ride. that poor guinea.


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friends, magic tricks...divine.


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i think they ran the whole neighborhood this year.


afterward, the kids waited anxiously to hand out candy-

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***

we had a safe night, but the next day it was back to work and while i am so blessed to be working and doing something that i love, it's been hard to juggle it all, but when shooting on a location at 7 am looks like this...

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it rejuvenated me like nothing else has in a long time.

thanks, jenn for the pic!


and speaking of work... i have been so blessed with work this whole year. i haven't been posting sneak peeks on the blog for the last 6 months and instead have been posting them to facebook, but i want to get better at it and here is a shoot i did a few days ago.


megan, your sneak peek! it was such a fun morning with you and your handsome family!

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these boys are ADORABLE...

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and another sneak of my sister and her new husband, bobby!

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and other photos that made me happy this week and captured with my iphone:

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this girl and her budding style and attitude. i walked in on her sitting like this while eating her honey nut cheerios before school. she kept looking at her feet, crossed on the table. i played it cool but it's sweet to watch her grow up and care about what she looks like before she goes to school.


finding happiness, maybe contentment is a better word, has been easier these days...as it always is when their are so many things to look forward to.


feeling lucky lately.


i hope you find your lucky!


xoxoxoxoxo

19 comments:

Jannice said...

Your pregnancy agrees with you, you look beautiful! Oh, I miss being pregnant. I'm a cryer too. I was thinking I had some sort of imbalance...but its the happy things that make me tear up, so I think I just realize how lucky and blessed I am. What nice pctures in the pumpkin patch. It was so hot when we took our kids to the one here - Vegas - they actually gave us a big pumpkin to take home...they were rotting :) Happy fall - stay happy!!

chanalesings said...

gorgeous, love the missoni sweater, the skirt matches perfectly! Our are too big, waiting for next year. You look great, glowing and vibrant! Beautiful post

chanalesings said...
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JennyCB said...

Beautiful, beautiful Heidi-girl. I love it all. <3 U!

Erica said...

okay... so now you have me crying! :) I so was at that moment of breakdown last night as one boy screamed that the shower was too cold, and another dunked my cell phone in the bath water, in between me frantically searching for a pacifier! ugh! Then, 20 minutes later... complete silence as they both slept, phew! The good always outweighs the bad with kids fortunately but sometimes when we are in those "bad" moments when just want to scream!! Great post!

Kate said...

You are the most beautiful mommy to be. Love this post so full of the love that we experience in life. Your children are simply gorgeous what an amazing family you have. Sharing tears of joy with you from Cali!!!

much love
xoxo
Kate

happymommy said...

I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog and I have probably said it before but you have 2 of the most Beautiful children I have ever seen!!! Your family is precious and Beautiful and I can't wait till this new little arrives to share the love with your family!

Sian said...

I'm glad you are so happy! xxx

April said...

Oh, I've got my lucky ... and I'm loving it!
So glad you are happy.
xoxo ...

Maria said...

OMG..Heidi, you looked just gorgeous in your Halloween costume! Loved this post, love happy, love love. Cherish your Florida fall~the Saturday before Halloween we had a snow storm that left everything icy & covered in frost. Pretty but had me longing for some beautiful, hot sun.

Shannon said...

Girlfriend, you are glowing. :) I am such a sensitive soul, I cry over the silliest things. Blessings make me cry a lot. You have a gorgeous family!

Anonymous said...

Heidi, I just LOVED this post! The kids are getting so big and are, as always, adorable. Beautiful photos and words! I'm sorry I missed seeing you when you were in Michigan. I'll just have to visit with Linnie sometime soon.
Donna

Sarah said...

Love it all! So glad you are happy:) OX

Kelly Roloff Hartley said...

Hi Heidi! Haven't talked to you in forever! I was wandering around aimlessly on FaceBook and someone was your friend...one thing led to another... and I found your website! Yay! I had no clue you were a photographer now! That is amazing! Your photos, family, and you- all gorgeous!! So happy for you!I'll have to tell my mom you are doing so amazing. She'll be happy to hear it! xoxo

aimee jones said...

LOVE the picture of your family of four with the timer!!

Kelly said...

I love the fall cozy clothes and you look beautiful on Halloween! Your kids are amazingly cute inside and out and I still can't believe you're having a baby. If I say it 100 x, I still can't believe it. So exciting!!!!!!

Heidi said...

kelly R!!!! awesome to hear from you! doing great and now you are married, congrats!! we have to get together! want to see you and your mom!!

donna, xo

kelly, you and me both;)

kate, i adore you and i've never met you.


happy mommy, jannice and chanalesings-thankyou! makes me feel good 'cause sometimes i feel the opposite of glowing if you know what i mean, LOL

Jen Bacarella said...

Miss you Heidi, but I love seeing that belly. Can't wait to be there in March to love on that new little one and help one of my favorite mommas...4 months to
go :-)

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