seriously, though. i often ask myself what it means to be a good mom. good being someone that would be considered above average in...what?
*is in loving one's children?
*teaching one's children to read in a timely manner.
*is it non-matted hair and cleanly dressed children that prove to the world that yes, i am a good parent.
*is it the fact that our babies gain weight when they should, smile when smiled at, and want to be share with others.
are exceptional 'mama hood' skills based on the age when a child can make their own bed?
if it's the earlier the better? (i failed)
*is it the passion with which we speak of our children and in my case, maybe write about our children and their lives and the adventures that come from being a parent to them.
*is it that way we honor or discipline them.
*is it measured in the ingredients we buy to prepare a homemade meal.
maybe it's just a meal period. fast food or otherwise.
i often sit and wonder who and what decides the level of measure used in which to grade: ability, love, and skill level in parenting. who gets to do that?
we have heard many times by our parents that we {at birth} didn't come with a manual.
isn't that the truth.
i remember thinking that i was glad babies didn't come with manuals because, being the insecure new parent that i was, i didn't feel that i was doing many things the 'right' way. i almost definitely felt that i could always do better: i should give medicine to a screaming baby quicker; i should master the transition of sleeping baby to crib with not so much as a soft whimper before the little bundle fell dreamily back to sleep; i should master the laundry, dishes, and vacuuming of the house all while the baby slept in 45 minute intervals before the next feeding where once again a cracked and sore nipple would nourish the ravenous little angel back to sleep; i should have thank you cards out in timely manner; have a perfectly coifed home that smelled good and opened it arms to any visitor that happened upon us.
is being a good mom one that always looks good before the hubbster returns home from work? one that doesn't complain about the day's monotony or boast of it's rewards?
is it being a good everything while not being able to shower in peace OR maybe being a good mom is not minding at all that you have to lather your head and body in one quick minute while running a dull blade over your hairy legs while brushing your teeth with the other hand all while watching your baby through the steamy haze of the bathroom shower pane...scream and writhe in the bouncer seat?
....after all, it's just one little baby.
dinner, makeup, showers, and teeth brushing all seemed to be these huge unmanageable tasks. things that i took for granted before becoming a mother. we are all guilty of that. but what did we really know.
we knew that by becoming a mother, we were giving up a part of ourselves to be something bigger to someone so small. we do willingly and without thought or complaint.
we vulnerably love our babies when they are sick. we rock them back to sleep in the dark and quiet night. we tiptoe back to bed a few times before daybreak and before anyone even realizes we were gone. we remain tired for months. we love, we worry, we do the best we can with what we have read and think we know. what i know now is that we don't know anything about anything and being sleep deprived, dirty, and maybe a few pounds heavier with baby weight doesn't help our esteem either.
we love our babies. our toddlers. our children.
when we mothers become busy juggling a hundred different things that are both on our 'to do' list and wish-to-get-done list...it is really easy to question yourself. at least at one point it was. it was until i realized that being a good mom has nothing to do with how quickly your child can read, tie his own shoe, or say their ABC's backwards.
no, it has absolutely nothing to do with that.
it also has nothing to do with how clean the house is or how small your laundry piles are. you forgot to change your baby for three hours? it's okay. we've all been there and we will be there again. one dirty diaper does not a shitty mother make. sorry. no sir.
and if you're not doing your best, then you know you need to make changes, but for the most part...we're rocking it out.
so, if i were in a college class and i was asked the question i have been pondering for over an hour. i may say...
that what makes a good mom to me is one who loves her children passionately and with everything she is. one who tells them they are proud of them through their mistakes and celebrations. they are both needed. i would say that their is no such thing as perfect and that winning is by far, not the most important part of game. quite the opposite if you asked me.
i think that part of being a good mom is being open to other's criticisms even though it is not easy; saying sorry and being open to forgiveness.
i would say that it may have more to do with the things that can't be measured than by the things that can.
to me, being a good mom is saying to hell with something that can wait and going the park or building a castle out of blocks. sometimes, being a good mom means that we have to say that playing is for later, "i'm busy now guys. go play on your own!"
maybe being a good mom is cooking with your kids or playing a special sport with them. maybe it's reading a book each and every night until they learn the words they need to know or maybe it's skipping the reading and telling your daughter that she is strong, worthy, and just as special as any other little girl in school. it's teaching her how to treat others the way that she herself would like to be treated.
to me, being a good mom is being the kind of friend that i want her to be and to be blessed with. it's being able to look at your baby and know that they need you forever and just as you and i are growing, learning, and adapting in this life...they are too and they need us now more than ever to be the best role-models we can be.
maybe it's asking them how their day was. maybe being a good mom is giving a hug instead of of spanking or a good yelling at. maybe it's the opposite.
what i am learning is that we need to listen to our kids. get on the ground and look up into their eyes when they talk to us. fall asleep with them while watching a movie even if you don't have the time. (you needed that nap anyway!)
being a family in whatever capacity that is to you...this is what's important to me.
being with each other and treating one another with respect and love. being in the present and being real, 'cause let's face it, we all make mistakes and can find room to improve. knowing that, reflecting on it and making that change...that makes us good anything!!!
loving and accepting.
supporting and teaching.
encouraging and feeding (spiritually as well as physically).
and by all means it means greeting them at the door with a huge smile and an excited hello!
and sending them out in the world with a full tummy and warm heart. it can be rough out there, but making a home they can fall into is what makes a good parent.
and even though at one time i thought there were...there are no rules.
knowing that time and moments are numbered and fleeting we should be making the best effort to remain true to ourselves while respecting that simple and irreversible truth.
love your babies. want to be with them. they feel it. they get it. they're onto us!
here's to a new week filled with more time together. i struggle with the balance of it all, i really do, but doing my best and loving this life and the lives we have been blessed with.
so, a perfect parent. hell to the no! a good mom. hear, hear. oh yes! thank you;)
***
our baby turned 4 last week. four years old.
it's at times like this that i want to freeze time and remember every last detail...
i want to remember how he takes my hand and kisses it for no other reason other than that he loves his mama. and he does it ten times a day. and i know it will stop and it would be weird it if it didn't eventually, but for now...i don't want it to stop because he is my little baby boy and i just want to eat him up. is that normal?
i love his serious face. the face he gets when he's trying to think something through. in an instant, that little face with crack the biggest smile and he will screech the friendliest greeting. it's our boy. it's who he is!
who he is is a spiderman lover!
he begged for a spiderman cake, a spiderman halloween costume, and real sticky hands just like spidey himself. he protects us from dragons and quicksand!
we celebrated with pizza, a few friends, and a token-a-picture...
which is a good thing because i didn't bring my camera! i'm loving this picture though.
happy 4th birthday, bubby! we love you, sweetheart!
***
one busy afternoon and a last minute trip to the splash park down the road and we had ourselves a grand time. i napped under a florida tree with nella bean while peyton, beckham, and lainey ran around the puddles like birds do in the summer time.
we ate toasted pumpkin seeds and drank kool-aid!
we kissed,
we talked about why the birds flew away every time peyton tried to catch one,
and we watched other kids play with brothers and sisters. it seemed like a pretty normal thing to do, but being here is florida...it's not. with the scratchy grass, red ants, and scorching heat, we don't often have ourselves picnics at the park. but we took advantage of the cool front and it was fabulous!
when it was time to head out, the kids wrapped their shoulders with the capes lainey had chosen just for them, so we made like superheroes and jumped!
being cooler out and with a couple of hurricane make-up days...we filled some of the time with a tea party in our front yard.
we ate fruit snacks and lunch cookies...and the most delicious pears. perfectly ripe.
photos courtesy of beckham d!
and when the good weather rolls in, the tablecloths are rolled out (the cheapo one that we used when we went camping last year, but hey...it fit the italian theme and i was serving lasagna!)
and we eat outside for lunch...
another little lovely that picks up when the air turns cooler and the christmas lights are beginning to be hung on high branches...
beautiful families grace my lens with their beauty. being busier poses some juggling, but i can't think of a more fun 'job' to master my juggling skills for.
ashley and tim just built a house and wanted to celebrate it with memories together before they start a family. i loved the idea and can i just say that i had am AMAZING time with these two love birds.
hello, beautiful people!
the other two shoots are geared toward the upcoming holiday and you know that nothing else can get me any more excited. well, maybe spotting santa's sleigh over my house with all of my shopping done and wrapped up budget style would would get me all giddy too!
leah and her boys are precious together!
sweet, sweet family!
another adorable family...
fun and quirky! loved hanging with them.
***
recipe post is done! now i just need to get the photos uploaded! a giveaway on the next post after that...two actually!!!
i hope everyone is staying warm and cozy! make some hot cocoa and clutch a quilt for me.
oh, and hey...
don't ever let anyone try and to take your good away. and if someone else tries...plant a firm boot (or flip flop) on the ground and feel what you know to be true about yourself.
and as a best friend would say... to thine own self be true!
we know we are rocking it out one day at a time!
xoxoxo
