Friday, February 24, 2012

at the end of the day, it's all about gratitude.

the last few weeks have been filled with survival mode tactics in order to keep myself moving forward and doing the things i want to do, have to do, and need to do. being pregnant was exciting for the first months of my pregnancy, but doing what we women do everyday... run a household, a family, and my own business took top billing. still, when i go to sleep at night, i feel grateful for every little bit of the day.

i told myself that after christmas i would relax and bask in the glow of a new baby coming. i would wash and fold miniture blankets, booties, and onesies. i would conceptualize design plans for the new nursery and then attack and have everything done and ready for the arrival no later than two weeks prior to due date.

i had grand dreams of spending every spare moment i had to my little ones. peyton and beckham have been the two loves of my life for so long, that i wanted to show them, prove to them...you both will always be my babies. i'll love you forever and ever and nobody will ever take away the special memories or bonds we have made together. i thought we'd take weekly picnics to the beach, host a lemonade stand, go on an overnight trip to a hotel just for the fun of it.

i've just wanted to soak in every little moment of alone time that i can with them.


cover their little faces with kisses. possibly award myself with a 'medal' for the most times somebody can say i like you, i love you, you make me happy, i'm so lucky to be your mommy!


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we've doing the cuddle and kisses part of that grand plan, but the truth is we haven't done a whole lot of outtings or special trips. i wanted to, but it just didn't happen.


mamas been out of commission.


life happened and feeling exhausted has kind of taken over my life at the moment. i'm like the happiest tired person i know. floating on cloud and dreaming of our new family while laying down every twenty minutes for a few before getting up to do something that needs to be done before sitting down again to rest.


and while we have done some baby preparations...washing and folding clothes, decorating a nursery as much as i can without knowing the gender of this one, and taking little game and walk breaks with peyton and becks...we've done less than i wanted to and now the time has just about come to welcome a new one to the darwish clan!


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feeling a bit badly about not doing as much has given me the much needed push to do more the last week or so...that or a surge of energy has finally come my way...i'll take it thank you very much!

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and although we squeeze in games of chutes and ladders or a game of memory only some of the time, this mama does not fall short in the giving love department. i hope these kids have felt how much especially these last 9 months...because quite frankly in so many other arenas i've plain sucked. i admit it. i'm holding up my flag. but in loving these babies...not so much. loving...well loving is easy and well, i think i'll let all the other stuff go!

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(photos taken at naples botanical gardens last month with my point and shoot)



we have crammed so much celebration, work and love into the last few months and while i have failed at sharing most of it, however; my friend has not...so i'll poach from her stash of photos...
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there were hanging flowers, twinkling candles, and sweet friends everywhere i looked. it was a magical evening, one i will never forget...ever.

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Oh, and homemade pizza by the fabulous wylie! thank you, wylie xoxo


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a long overdue thank you to my best friend, kelle for putting your creative mind in overdrive and generous spirit to work to throw me perhaps the most beautiful and touching baby celebration i could never even have hoped for. it was full of love, cheer, good noshes, clinking wine glasses, and messages to baby on quilted baby bunting...thank you, bells. i love you so much. i can't wait to return the favor one of these days!

***


feeling grateful for the friends i have that have celebrated this baby like nobody's business. the calls, the- how are you feeling texts?, the cards, the emails...it's like everyday somebody is telling me how happy they are for us and i feel overwhelmed with the amount of love and support we have had around us.

i'm feeling the most toward my peyton and beckham. they are like air to me. i simply adore these two little people and like any decent parent, i want them to grow up to be the best and happiest they can be and trying to model the this way of life feels like a full-time job sometimes, one that i am not the best at every single day...
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...i hope all they really need is our love...and the best that we can do for them, teaching them and modeling what we think are the really important parts of life that they need to know...kindness, generosity, contentment, friendship, gratiude for the smallest little things.

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we spent an evening together, just the three of us. we were full of sand in places that shouldn't have sand in them, but it was worth every granule. it had been a super hot day but as the sun set, the temperature went down and the wind spiked up a bit...just enough to cool us off from a long hot day!

the next day we met peyton at school for lunch. she always requests micky d's on these days and sometimes i say no, but this day i said. yes! i felt like i was feeding my kid some kind of poisonous substance, but hey...all is moderation, right? thats my story.

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beckham cries each time we leave, "I want to be in KINDEEEERRRRRRGARTEN too!!!!" so this photos was obviously was taken prior to the, "we need to leave in ten minute speech!"

so we went home and made cookies
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not these, rather chocolate chip oatmeal with flaxseed. i subbed the raisins for ghiradelli semi sweets and i used old-fashioned oat...the best kind!
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then, we jammied up for an early night and ate cookies and watched funniest home videos...
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sometimes, i worry about how our lives will be changing will effect these two little ones. it's just been the two of them for so long.
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they do so much together...this includes a lot of fighting, but mostly they have formed this bond together. one that comes from living together...depending upon one another to do certain things. they each have their own roles. the boss and the subordinate. the boy and the girl. the sweet and thoughtful to the selfish and irritable. they each take turns sharing these roles and regardless of how the apples on any given day...these two love each other.

they feel safe together. innately, they are protective of one another and so when push comes to shove..."BE NICE TO MY SISTER!" (often told to the little neighbor boy who tackles our little guy a tad too roughly while playing football)

"Mama, can we buy a treat for beckham too?"

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i love that it's always been just...peyton and beckham and i wonder how Tagalong will fit in. i worry about it sometimes knowing that this baby will bring so much joy and wonder into our lives, but on the flip side i know there will be challenges. it's normal and i fully expect it.

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peyton making her valentine box.

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it's been the four of us for so long...
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we know how to do this
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we are a foursome and turning into a family of five is surreal, somewhat scary, and... amazing.
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and i'm feeling grateful for all of the time we've been able to spend together. making memories and sharing space. it feels amazing to be able to let another little body into our world, our space, our lives!

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we've been preparing as a family for our new arrival. there is a buzz in the house, not always spoken, but we know something big is about to happen.

'cause their ain't nothin' more life changing than adding a person to one's family. nuttin' honey.

we're nesting together....
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cleaning.

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restoring.

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old dresser bought for a hundred bucks. jeff painted like three base coats, i then waxed the corners where i wanted it look distressed, and then sanded it down in other areas to give it the 'old' effect. i had to paint the panels twice bc the first coat i HATED the color of. after pic shows mismatched knobs i splurged on from anthro. if i have a boy, i'll have to return the flower knobs, but i couldn't resist buying them when i was in the store.

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creating.
took a piece of pegboard, painted a beautiful shade of blue and then added molding that i, yes, i faux painted myself. i'm pretty proud of it! most of all, it gave me a full cabinet worth of extra space in my kitchen which i needed so badly. jeff, you rock for making so many things that tickle my fancy. you have done so much. xo

the nursery doesn't look like much here, but it's a work in progress...it looks beautiful right now. more photos to come.

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jenn and i went antiquing, so we have lots of goodies to work on now
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we had so much fun in arcadia, florida...it was an amazing day of rummaging through old and forgotten treasures. of course, we laughed non-stop and we finished it off with a well-deserved rustic dinner.

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jenn is like a source of never ending inspiration...and she crazy like me! xo

***
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kelle, rebecca and i found some golden light in a place that probs looks a lot like heaven. kelle found this orange grove last year and it delivered for my first trip. it smells like an array of citrus freshness. rows and rows of trees and perfect orbs of orange love.

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we grabbed our buckets and went to work at filling them up.
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we explored...

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we made out like bandits...
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so, i made chicken stir fry with the oranges and i will include a recipe with the next post, because sister is having a heat stroke right now while typing these words so i need to power down asap;)

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so, i am thinking that i may be having a baby this week! yes, i think i am! i LOVE saying that. so, i will be posting again before i deliver our little bundle of love...or so i hope so because i want to savor every last moment of this pregnancy and this bump.

being and feeling grateful is a gift that i try not to take for granted. for even when things feel like they are falling apart at. the. seams. there is always something to be grateful for. health of my kids always tops the list. so even when i'm thinking life sucks today...i get into bed and begin to have my little convo with God and by word one...i'm feeling good. grateful. lucky.

so, goodnight for now. enjoy the oscars! for i am attending a pajamma glamma party and i have to say, emma stones's dress... ahhhhhhmaaaaaaaaazzzzingly stunning!
xoxoxoxo

my favorite december iphone photos
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28 comments:

JennyCB said...

Umm.... the B&W pic of you and Peyton, in the bottom-left corner at the beach? Obsessed. BEST picture.
Love you, Heidi-girl. I can't wait to meet your new little bunny. xoxo

Greta said...

Hi Heidi...I wish I was there to give you a big 'ol hug! I still remember the days of sleeping over and hanging out, all before hubbies and kids. When baby comes, it's going to be great and your heart is full of SO much love. I can't wait to see photos :)

GraceesMommy said...

I just hopped on here to post to my blog after neglecting it for like a year and saw you had posted...I just
love when you post! I don't know how you could possibly have a child any more beautiful than the two you already have..honestly!

In the B&W picture of all four of you with Peyton holding the flowers..jeepers do you look like your sister. I know you are twins but I seriously thought it was her!

A family of five, that was my magic number when I would talk about how big of a family I wanted...mainly because I am from a family of six and the whole majority voting thing never worked..voting always ended up straight down the middle. Funny..I ended up in a family of three and the whole voting thing still never works because Gracee always gets her way..I am a sucker for that child!

Love to you my friend and I can't wait for the big announcement! ♥

Lisa said...

Heidi, you're such a lovely woman, both pregnant and not. I recently discovered your blog from a Pinterest link and I am so happy I did. As a momma of two little girls, a lot of what you write about your children resonates with me. You're a great mom.

I am sure that when you were expecting #2, you worried how it would affect #1, and now you can't imagine one without the other, can you? So it will be with this little one, I'm sure. Children are so resilient, they won't long remember life before baby.

Sending you peaceful birth vibes and looking forward to reading all about it! <3

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

I'm so excited for a new post! Is it just me or does Beckham look so old now?! He and P are gonna be awesome big siblings to the baby. I can't wait to see pics and hear you beam with pride at just how much they made the new baby fit right in. And I'm dying to know if it's a boy or a girl! Suspense is killing me. You look amazing and so happy. Such an exciting week!

Bella_K said...

Oh YAY Heidi, I was so glad to read a post before little baby is born! It was lovely!! Can't wait to see the photos and hear the birth story of your newest arrival, all the best for the delivery!! I LOVE the nursery as well.
x

Jeanne said...

Yay! I smiled very wide when I saw your blog entry in my reader. I can not believe you are at the end of your very beautiful pregnancy. And furthermore, I can't believe you did not find out the gender! You rock girl. With all three of my babies (soon to be four) I elected not to find out. And that was the best gift I could have given myself. That magical moment when the doctor says ."It's a ..." is burned into my memory forever. I hope you go into labor soon and your birth of your third child will be magical. I have no doubt you will make is magical! MAny hugs!

I love, love, love the three pics of your daughter cleaning the window. It was so cute and so pure. Great job!

Lafleche said...

H,
I felt the exact same way about having baby #3... I think it's normal. Our hearts stretch in all directions to love that new little one just as much as we loved the first 2. I promise. Seeing your bump is totally not helping the fact that I want a newborn!!
Good luck, mama.
Can't wait to find out what this little bean is! I love finding new posts from you.
xo,
L

Karly Jaco said...

such a full post. so many wonderful things, all the trepidation and worry will ease once tagalong is here.

there will be bumps I'm sure, but you are gonna rock this out. LOVE seeing the pics of you all. You have such a precious family!!

btw i just had to mention i LOVE the silhouette pic of you on the beach on kelle's blog! GORGEOUS. gotta blow that one up for sure. and all the pics you have of your kiddos kissing your belly. priceless. yours kids are so adorable. they're gonna love, login on their new sibling! You've taught them well ..how to love. :)

Can't wait to hear baby news! SO excited for you!

Sian said...

I cant tell you how much I loved this post. Full of love and awesomeness. I think you are doing just fine at this stage in your pregnancy and yes I agree loving them is enough! I wish you Luck with your delivery I cant wait to see pics of baby xxxxx

Cathy K. said...

You seem like such a great mom, Heidi. Your family is beautiful and I'm sure the new baby will fit in perfectly with Beckham and Peyton. Since they love each other so much, it's just proof of how much they are capable of loving another sibling. I'm wishing you all the best and can't wait to see new baby photos!

lynne said...

Smartest thing you said, "loving is easy and well, I think I'll let all the other stuff go"

Reminds me of my Jamin's birth announcement...
"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow......"

Oh, and btw....you'll be amazed at how your babies will love this new little one.

I love you, Heidi. Savor every moment.

cathy said...

so beautiful
easy, safe delivery for a healthy bundle

xoxo
xoxo
cathy

Daniele said...

It was a nice way to start my morning, to have a post from you. I'm so excited for you!!! Cannot wait to hear about lil' tagalong being born. I've been reading your blog for quite a while and was struck today by how much Peyton has grown up since I first started reading. I know this must be an emotional yet exciting time...I felt that way even when having my second baby. It's amazing how quickly you just can't imagine life before them once they're here.
xo

Rhonda said...

This Quote has brought me to tears
"they do so much together...this includes a lot of fighting, but mostly they have formed this bond together. one that comes from living together...depending upon one another to do certain things. they each have their own roles. the boss and the subordinate. the boy and the girl. the sweet and thoughtful to the selfish and irritable. they each take turns sharing these roles and regardless of how the apples on any given day...these two love each other"

My boy and girl are the simliar age and I witness this every day. It is so special to have such an incredible bond.
We are also adding a third to our family in a few months and I have the same anxieties as you.
I know when they are introduced to their new bundle they will be protectors and keepers of all things baby.
Momma might have a hard time trying to sneak in for some love.
Its all good...this is the most special time.
Enjoy your last few days as a family of 4 and I am sure a family of 5 will be most incredible!!

Enjoy and God Bless
XO
Rhonda

Sherri said...

Heidi this is the most beautiful post, & I "got" every single word of it{I have followed your blog for a long time now, but, I think, this is my first time commenting}!! You are beautiful pregnant & I CANNOT wait to find out if that sweet baby bump is a lil boy bump or lil girl bump! Also, I saw this pic of you on Kelle's blog of a croc "eating" your baby bump...seriously awesome pic! Made me LOL!! xo

Shannon said...

LOVE it when you post!!! I am so excited about your new babe! I think the transition from 4 to 5 will be smooth. You are all so full of love, just look at these photos. It is so obvious! Good luck, mama!

Jannice said...

I think I would feel the same way if a new little one was coming along! It will work out beautifully, I ;m sure you will feel like the new baby was just what was missing from your family once he/she comes along! Your children are so beautiful! Looks like Peyton had a growing spurt - she looks so tall! And your little guy - he's gorgeous! I swear my little Ava has the same little chicklet teeth! His smile reminds me of hers!! I so wish I was having a third!!! Can't wait to hear what your little tagalong is!!

Annie said...

Love this post. I really like the honesty of exploring how 'you know how to do four' feelings. We are in the same boat, welcoming our third this June. And I can't wait to hear your baby's name (since I'm obsessed with names for our babe right now, and I love your son and daughter's names).

Hazel said...

Heidi, what a full post, of life and love. I have little doubt that your eldest two know they are much loved, and I'm sure as they are both older they will love your new baby and want to help their Mama. I can't wait to see photos of tag-along!

Maria said...

Beautiful post, Heidi. Can't believe tagalong is almost here..seems(to us, lol)like it was just yesterday we found out you were pregnant.
And can I say you are one beautiful, soon to be third time mama! Can't wait to meet the new little angel.
Wishing you a quick & easy delivery & a perfect, healthy baby. Will be thinking of you.
BTW..love Peyton's blue beach outfit & could Beckham be any more adorable? Just sayin'.

Plus one Wee Bean said...

Ohhhh man do I feel so much love here.
Good luck with your next blessing.
You have so much to be thankful for and you can feel it in your post. WONDERFUL Mumma!

Candice said...

Delurking to wish send best wishes to you this week! Can't wait to meet your new bundle! Can your third possibly be as cute as your first two?? Cutest kids ever! Besides mine of course. ;P

Loved this post. What a catch-up. It must have taken you ages!

Heather said...

I am so excited for you! Let me start by say "perfect" moms are creepy, it's just true. If we are not showing our kids how to fail and pick ourselves back up we are doing them a huge disservice adn really does anyone enjoy being around perfect all the time? Ok, getting off my soapbox. We where 4 for a long time too and then our little buddy joined the crew when his sisters where 8&6 SURPRISE! I was so excited and so nervous all at the same time. When he came my girls fell in love hard and 5 became my new favorite number. There where tiny growing pains but nothing that overwhelmed any of us, I pray this is the same for you. I think the hardest part for the girls was remembering to be patient when they had to wait for me to do something, see something etc while I finished up with a tiny one who could not wait. Daddy became the BFF for a bit but we found our footing and a good baby carrier is a life saver ;o)
You are stunning adn I would find it very hard to believe anyone you love would ever question it. xoxox

Cheryl said...

I wouldn't sweat it. It all just kind of falls into place. I found with my 3rd, it was more them having to figure out a way to fit into our schedule then the other way around.
My only advice is to have no expectations for the first 6 weeks and just do what you gotta do to survive.
It will seem crazy but it gets easier. Your two children are older than mine were when my 3rd was born so that should help out a lot too.
Good luck! You will be fine. Your children will be fine. It will all be fantastic. I promise.

Denice said...

Heidi,
I have not commented to date, but I often check to see if you have posted. I just want to wish you luck with your delivery and I can't wait to hear the good news. I also wanted to tell you that you are one of the most beautiful pregnant woman I have seen. Hopefully that doesn't sound stalkerish. Your children are going to be so thrilled. Enjoy!

SuperMilf said...

Your family is GORGEOUS!!!

Kacey Haffner-Bruce said...

looks like you get to keep those flower knobs!! ;)