Comments on Kaleidoscope: until tomorrow...{pondering}

Oh wow, this hit home with me! I always think &qu...

2011-12-16T15:28:46.213-05:00

Oh wow, this hit home with me! I always think "could I have done things better?" and sometimes I get sad looking back on videos and pictures too. My oldest is three! And I also have feelings, when he is at his two-morning-a-week-church-preschool, and he cries because he does not want to socialize or participate in anything there without me, and I wonder if it is normal. I feel like it probably is, he's only three! Like you reminded me, I need to relax and remember that. I know before I can blink, he will be running off playing with friends and I will want these days back. Thanks for the reminder :)

that last pic of you with peyton melts my heart. g...

2011-12-07T14:43:49.980-05:00

that last pic of you with peyton melts my heart. gorgeous.

I so hear ya on the to - do lists! I love the one...

2011-12-05T23:33:47.885-05:00

I so hear ya on the to - do lists! I love the one of your kissing Peyton!! Love your beautiful family of 4 and a half!! xoxo

Your posts I love the best are the ones that take ...

2011-12-01T11:45:29.165-05:00

Your posts I love the best are the ones that take two attempts to get thru them.

So much emotion.

You are the best mom!!

XO
Rhonda

love this post! great stuff!

2011-11-29T01:36:35.743-05:00

love this post! great stuff!

I can sooo relate. Sometimes I wonder why I take ...

2011-11-28T19:26:36.344-05:00

I can sooo relate. Sometimes I wonder why I take pictures and videos when it makes me so sad to watch them a few years later... everyone tells you not to blink when they are small, but you still don't fully understand until your little ones start growing up. My third little girl is 17 months old now and sometimes I feel like she is getting a much better mom because now I KNOW how fast they grow up and I feel like I have really settled into motherhood - less worried about my work, social life etc. and more willing to just sit back and enjoy her. Less worried about hitting the milestones or when she will be weaned or sleep through the night, knowing that at some point all of that will happen when it happens. I could beat myself up for what I perceive as my shortcomings with the first two, but what helps me is to remind myself that motherhood is a series of transitions as much as the rest of your life. Your life as a young, brand new mother is a massive life transition and it takes a while to get the hang of it. I always tell my oldest that she is teaching me how to be a mom and she is breaking trail for the other two. She kind of likes that idea ....

beautiful post

2011-11-27T15:07:15.723-05:00

beautiful post

Oh, Heidi, love ya! Such a beautiful post. Jill ...

2011-11-22T22:51:08.950-05:00

Oh, Heidi, love ya! Such a beautiful post.

Jill B. (Overland Park, KS)

Great post Heidi! I feel like I can't delete ...

2011-11-22T17:35:20.080-05:00

Great post Heidi! I feel like I can't delete any video from the kids, even if it is horrible. I love looking back on it and just reliving their youth. However, my oldest is a mere 3.5 and youngest is 10 months, so I have this huge feeling that at some point I will be feeling the exact same way as you. It is hard not to question every move you make as a parent. It is hard to stand strong in your confidence when you ate surrounded by doubt.

We lost my brother in a rock climbing accident on ...

2011-11-22T15:34:12.984-05:00

We lost my brother in a rock climbing accident on July 2. He was 29. Reading this makes me want to go watch the videos my mom took of us as children - I'm so thankful we have them. Then again I don't know if I'm ready yet to open that part of my grief - to see what was. And yet - while I feel almost scared to watch those videos because they might make me sad, you are right - those people in the videos are gone, in a way - at least changed. They have grown up a little, or a lot. Our actions in those moments were pure and honest - we were being what we knew to be.
So maybe I won't dread pulling out our old family movies - because even though my brother is no longer living - the person in those videos is who he WAS - and who he was as a child AND as an adult was an amazing individual. So thankful to be his sister.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....love it and SO re...

2011-11-22T15:33:12.879-05:00

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....love it and SO relate. It hurts in such a good way to see my girls when they were younger (and they're only 2 and 4). I NEED to take more video. Going to charge the battery now!!

I think every Mama worries if they do enough. I kn...

2011-11-22T11:13:45.087-05:00

I think every Mama worries if they do enough. I know I do. I cry as I look at my teen, going off to homecoming, and becoming this incredible young woman...and I look back at her videos...the ones of her dancing, wearing a tutu and a crown. You rock. For real! XOXO

I'm going to get out my flip camera TONIGHT. ...

2011-11-22T10:14:06.445-05:00

I'm going to get out my flip camera TONIGHT. I'm awful about it, but the voices don't come through in pictures and I love these little voices. Last night at dinner, Molly, 20 months, bowed her head to pray and said "hank uuhh" and omg, I wish I could have caught that on camera. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Oh, no......tears and wishes for the impossible ar...

2011-11-22T09:20:59.093-05:00

Oh, no......tears and wishes for the impossible are all a part of being a mama. It's one of the things that keeps us striving to do better, to make new promises to our grown up selves, to find a new appreciation for our little ones which miraculously pops up when we're on the verge of frustration. You, Heidi, have grown so much as a mama, as a woman. I'll never forget running into you at Waterside, way back when Peyton was still a baby. It was a chance meeting that turned into a 45 minute "chat"! You were questioning everything, but mostly yourself. Now, here you are questioning and then finding your own peace with your questions. You are blessed and you are loved by me, no matter how infrequently we see each other. Have a thankful holiday.

Oh my...my moment like you had..the sad heavy hear...

2011-11-22T08:36:28.682-05:00

Oh my...my moment like you had..the sad heavy heart when you realize they are not babies anymore happened in a church. My girl's piano recital was Sunday and as I dressed her in the dress she picked out..put on her first pair of pantyhose and put her first official sparkly pumps on her I was waiting for the happy to kick in. It did not. I felt so sad. When she walked up to the baby grand in the church my jaw hurt from clenching it..but the moment that really got me was when she sat down and her high heeled feet touched the ground..last year her chubby mary jane clad feet dangled and came no where near the floor. I had to choke back those hot tears when I realized those chubby dangling feet are something I would never see again. She is becoming so independent..asking me for less of my time and doing her own thing more and more. Parts of it I like but parts of it I. do. not. want to give up. I guess we have to grow as they grow-up.
Let me tell you..one thing I know is that we parents who ask those questions of ourselves, did we spend enough time with them and such...or cry over feet that are touching the ground this year...well, I think that says pretty much all it needs to about what kind of parents we are. Love and give your belly a little pat from me to your lovely little jelly bean! ♥♥♥

i cried through this whole post, heidi. believe me...

2011-11-22T06:02:41.095-05:00

i cried through this whole post, heidi. believe me, you are not alone. my son and i watch little video clips together and he smiles and laughs while my heart aches a little. But I still smile. You are right that it makes us want to do 'now' better. And mostly make those memories stick. Sometimes I sit back in a moment and think " i want to remember this forever" and if for some reason i don't think of it...now my son will tell me..'momma go get your camera' I love that.

I love your last line Heidi. It's no comparis...

2011-11-22T02:47:40.179-05:00

I love your last line Heidi. It's no comparison I know but I have to rehome a cat of mine this weekend. I am going to video her as much as I can this week, then when the grief has passed, I know I will have it to look back on. xx

I cried just reading this...same thoughts go throu...

2011-11-22T01:28:41.506-05:00

I cried just reading this...same thoughts go through my head daily...and yet, I know I'm a good mommy...but I always wonder if I do good enough. I guess we're all the same and its all normal! :)

I love the honesty and relatability of this post. ...

2011-11-22T00:48:03.142-05:00

I love the honesty and relatability of this post. Good stuff, mama.

xo