bryan adam's says you'll shoot the moon-put out the sun, but i am little less showy than him.
when i love someone, I will do just about anything to keep them safe, happy, and feeling loved and in trying to do what mothers do each and everyday, i am feeling a tad inadequate these days.
i realize of course this is because our lives will be completely different, enhanced, but different come march and i'm afraid of tipping the balance of our lives too much in one direction. so i am prematurely nesting to keep my two older birds from feeling like they are going to be knocked out of their cozy nest soon. i want them to know that there is enough room for all of us and more than enough love and attention to go around.
i'm busy with life, but my mind is even busier still...
get busy. organize a room. check the kids school schedule. write a sweet note for the lunch boxes. healthy snacks for the lunch that i hope will be eaten. did beckham have a project that needs to be turned in? (he does actually) am i providing an organized environment and setting up my kids for scholastic success? did i turn the thermostat down/feed the bunny and guinea pig/brush my teeth/call back that client/respond to that email before i left the house? what's for dinner... and lunch and breakfast for that matter? we should paint peyton's room. i need to hang my picture wall. what does beckham want his birthday theme to be this year. i need a nap.
ever since i found out i was growing a baby, my mind has been racing with things to do before spring...and thank you, thank you for the sweet and heartfelt congrats and love you sent our way after i made the announcement. if you were trying to make a pregnant mama cry, you won!
part of me needed to hear those congratulatory messages. i was feeding off of them like it was food for my soul.
you see, i'm pretty freaked out about the idea of bringing a baby into the house again. excited and feeling blessed and crazily lucky, but a healthy dose of anxiety and worry are sitting right next to my sugar and spice.
i think this is what happens when you think something is over.
i thought i would never again experience morning sickness or the tingling sensation of skin stretching to it's limits from the growing mound of cells turned baby. the often mistaken for gas pain, turns out to be the first flutters of your baby's kick and nothing will stop you in your tracks as quickly as realizing...huh, oh my goodness. that was my baby. i felt it! I felt it! you will never forget where you were when you first felt life growing within your body because up until then, it just didn't feel real.
midnight feedings and diaper changes are truly a job when you are up to your elbows in bottle sanitizing, sore nipples, and a colic ridden baby with acid reflux...but you get through it and one day without even noticing- that baby is a toddler and is sleeping through the night sporting big kid undies and mama has been gifted the luxury of a restful slumber once again.
i can't tell you how many times i have wanted to magically transport myself back to sleepless nights and poopy diapers...because in between the stinging eyes of exhaustion and the unending jars of baby food and trips to costco for dipes and wipes~ carrying for my new baby has been without a doubt the most lovely part of my life. period.
and any mama, regardless of how that mama was made a mother...maybe you were laying down with a blue cloth in your face and someone put your baby's forehead near your lips so you could smell in your baby for the first time, or maybe you labored and pushed your baby out into the world, maybe you flew to another country and brought a baby home, or perhaps you gave a child a home that needed one and maybe still you may not even have a child yet, and it doesn't matter because when you hear, "i love you, mommy!" for the first time, all the exhaustion melts away and you are left with your own little miracle and miracles are always worth the trouble.
and the trouble so far has been some massive headaches and a little nausea. i'm tired and feeling a tad...older these days, but i wouldn't have it any other way because i am crossing over into that stage of dreamy wonder about the baby that will enter our lives soon and in the meantime, i am waiting for that first flutter and with that, i will fall in love even deeper with my third little one!
and i mourned over the ending of babyhood hard core. check out my breakdown here:)
and this is my experience. i know some perfectly wonderful mamas who are ready for the kids to go to school as soon as they can walk and there is nothing wrong with that. but me..well, i'm a bit of emotional wreck at the thought of my little ones growing up at lightening speeds. i've learned, such is life and we have to grow up and live our own journey, find our way and with that we will be blessed ten fold when our babies grow into adults.
oh yeah, and who knew that instead of hopping into a shiny time machine to get back to babyhood, all you really need is a bottle of red and weekend trip away from the kids.
with the new happenings going on, i am trying to prepare for Tagalong and the mama-do list is running over onto a secoond page, single-spaced!
i haven't really cleaned in a while and i haven't cooked in so long that peyton asked why we were at Chili's AGAIN and 'how come you don't cook for us anymore?' yes, a healthy helping of guilt is mandatory in mommy land!
but jeff's been a champ and the kids are becoming more independent by getting up on their own each day (via a super LOUD alarm clock) and with the promise of a few stars on their star chart, they have been making their beds, brushing their teeth, and dressing themselves almost everyday this week!!!
so we are getting it done and i am so proud of them (and us) for being more responsible!
for now, i will still cradle beckham's long body and kiss his bronze forehead until his lashes tickle my chin and i have to stop. i will call him my baby and i won't notice how heavy he has gotten until they place my little peanut in my arms for the first time. i know beckham will lose his baby status in that exact moment. he's pretty excited about his new status though: big brother!
he will be the best big brother...well, this is what he tells me and i believe he will be!
peyton, my serious and sensitive one with a heart of gold, will adore her new sibling but will not easily give up one moment of mommy or daddy time to the little one. nope and she's not going down without a fight! so, i am relishing time with her and i will be sure to make mommy/peyton time more special. we are already planning some dates with her cousin sophie and her mommy and she's feeling special about that!
i see glimpses of the woman she will become and i am reminded of how alike we can be and again, how fast time is going by. time. it's such an amazing...asset. i forget that sometimes.
and while i won't stop wondering how they will deal with the adjustment or question if i am doing enough for them while they see me nursing the newest member of the family almost constantly,
evie watching beckham love on her baby bro, spencer.
but beckham's sweet heart will always adore his cousin evie!
with an exciting future year ahead of us, i will keep steady watch over the two that first stole my heart and who love one another fiercely. the bond between them is strong and the fun they have together is priceless...
the trouble they find together just makes for good stories!
"get marshmallow fluff OFF of the stairs!"
they each got a time-out shortly after this pic was taken. evidence, people!
madonna and justin bieber, together at last!
i haven't cooked in about a week, but i making these stuffed peppers tomorrow. they are soooooo good. try 'em out. they are healthier than grandma's version even though i do love her peppers! one day, i'll post that one too!
bottle washing, and extra lovins!
recipes to follow because i am itching to cook something new and a giveaway!
** again, all of my words are running together, but i have posted a question to a blogger forum and am crossing my fingers for a quick answer:) oh, how i wish i were techy like mark zuckerberg!